100 and a Blog Quiz

I was reading one of the blogs I follow and I decided to send in an application to be named Curmudgeon of the week.

This also allows me to do my 100th post in style.

Name: Adela (I've also been referred to as 'the doorbitch of Hades')

Age: 17

Provenance: Sydney, Australia

Occupation: Student

When did you first self-identify as a curmudgeon?
Last year, when as head of the school's student council, I told my counterpart at our brother school (all girls school - we have to collaborate) where he could shove it. That's also the moment I started being referred to as 'That evil psychotic bitch from St George' by some of the lovely (and I use that term loosely) boys from Sydney Tech.

Who’s the curmudgeon (living or dead, historical or contemporary) you most identify with and why?
Paul Keating. Anyone with that kind of vocabulary deserves to be deified.

What do you hate that other people inexplicably love?
Emoticons. They give me murder eyes. Instant messaging. Voicemail messages. Novelty ringtones (unless it's Verdi's Dies Irae).

You are Dante. What, in order from least to most excruciating, are your nine circles of hell?

I'm going to go one step further and do all the little facets of Dante's hell.

Vestibule: People who don't register to vote. Voting is a privilege. Use it.

Here we cross Acheron, the first of the five rivers in Hell. Charon, ferryman thereof, does Hades a favour here by weeding out the gullible (i.e. the people who pay him for their passage before they're on the other side). If you're gullible enough to fall for a ponzi scheme or any other type of fraud that turns up in your inbox, you deserved it.

1. Squealers. We all know at least one. Those people who erupt into ear-splittingly high-pitched squealing at the drop of a hat. Seriously, people. Curb your enthuasiasm. And take it down a few octaves.

And now into the realms of incontinence. Thanks Mr Alighieri. I couldn't have named it better myself.

2. Kitsch. Be afraid Hello Kitty. Be markedly afraid.

3. Popular music. If it has a drum beat created by a machine, it deserves to burn eternally. Also, if it's a boy who's waiting for his danglies to drop, he shouldn't be singing. Unless he's an a choir which only performs classical music. There's only one use for boy soprani: getting them to sing the castrato parts because the Catholic church outlawed castration.

4. Politicians (in democracies). They say that those who can't do, teach. Well, those who can't function in mainstream society as useful human beings go into politics. Even then...

5. Psychics, Astrologers and anyone else who works in the industry of flimflammery that is the 'supernatural'. Get a job.

The realms of incontinence are cut off at this point by the river Styx. Once we've crossed the Styx with its vile marsh choked with reeds (thanks Virgil), we enter the city of Dis.

6. Professional sports players who get injured and then whinge about it. I'm looking at you, soccer. Drink a cup of concrete and harden the fuck up.

In order to continue, we here cross Phlegethon, a river of FIRE!!!!!!!! I have to say that Pluto did a great job with the interior decorating.

7. Dictators. Let's face it, seizing control without an actual mandate from the masses (NB: the military don't count) just isn't very nice.

Here lies the Abyss. I'm assuming it's big, dark, possibly dank and empty inside. In other words it's a reality TV contestant.

The next 2 circles are the lands of fraud according to Dante. I suppose if you squint and tilt your head a little, my last two circles of hell could be interpreted to belong accordingly.

Circle 8, the Malebolge, is 'an ampitheatre-shaped pit of despair wholly of stone and of an iron colour' (Dante). Cheery place it is.

8. Plagiarisers. Interesting historical sidebar: counterfeiters are a kind of plagiariser. In medieval times, counterfeiters were punished by being boiled alive in hot oil. Guess what point I'm trying to get across...

There is then the Giants Well (reasonably self explanatory); followed by Tartarus. The ninth circle, reserved in my hell system for:

9. Genocide. The people who order it, the people who carry it out and the people who cover it up.

This is also where we find the river Cocytus, hateful with black slime and its sluggish flow... (Thanks again, Virgil)

If you had the power to sign into law an amendment prohibiting a specific human behavior (i.e. using a Bluetooth or singing karaoke), what would you outlaw? Protective sports gear. So you're playing a violent sport. Take it like a man and get on with it.

Let's lighten up. What makes you all warm and fuzzy inside? (Your heart can’t be COMPLETELY charred.)
Sleeping babies.

What's your favorite curse word/phrase?
Holy cock! (a marvellously versatile expletive)

Essay Question: Please write a 100 word open letter to an object, person, or other entity that has recently incurred your wrath.

I'll keep this one brief.

Germaine Greer:

Find something better to do with your time.

Also, eunuchs can't be female. There's paraphenalia lacking. It just doesn't work.