Adela liveblogs Eurovision Semi 1

I get the fact that this is a day late; don’t judge me, I’ve been busy.

The drinking game I’m working with is the same as last year’s:
Whenever the costume overwhelms the song, you take a shot.
Whenever there's ridiculous national dress, you take a shot.
Whenever a song has a stupid title, you take a shot.
Whenever anyone says the word 'baby', you take a shot.
Whenever there's a keychange, you take a shot.
If ever an entry tries to be serious by using an actual instrument, you take a shot.
Whenever a song gets political, you take a shot.
When Cyprus and Greece are overtly buddy-buddy, you take a shot.
When the Irish win, you take a shot.
When the UK come dead last, you take a shot.

And a special addition for this year is wind machine action or great columns of fire. Shot.

So I get the fact that the only interesting thing about Malmö is the fact that it has a bitchen bridge. That didn’t stop me from thinking that this was just SBS advertising The Bridge (side note: excellent show).

Opening act solid, the singing children was adorable. The host’s dress... entertaining.

I mean solidly sequinned mermaid dress? Hardcore. Seriously hardcore.

That joke about ‘bridge’ to the rest of the world was a touch uncalled for. I mean sure. There’s a bridge. Let’s move on.

Austria:

Initial impression is I am underwhelmed. Secondary impression is that I am still underwhelmed. I mean she’s a perfectly legit singer, I’m just not... inspired. This is Eurovision, I expect eurotrash. I will be mightily unimpressed if it is not forthcoming.

Badly executed keychange.

Adela: 5/10

Sarah: 5/10

One shot.

Estonia:

I love Estonian as a language. What I don’t love are the syrupy power ballads I’ve been hearing so far. Also, that is a mightily postmodern dress.

Adela: 6/10. She gets an extra point for singing in Estonian.

Sarah: 6/10

One shot for the dress.

Slovenia:

So. Dubstep. Alright. Those backup dancers with those welding masks. That is a shot right the fuck there. Sarah apparently ‘quite likes’ this song. I don’t. This is seeming like a mightily depressing year. Or at least a year which has not gotten off to an especially auspicious start. Either way, that was a mightily poorly executed keychange.

Adela: 4/10

Sarah: 6.5/10

Two shots.

Croatia:

Sarah feels she might like this one. All I can say so far is that’s an ‘obscure national dress’ shot. I’m liking the popera aspect of their ‘dudes singing quasi-classically’. Now that was some bitchen wind machine action. To quote Sarah: “Wind machine, coat, so heroic.” Solid effort, gents.

Adela: 7/10; amended to 7.5/10 as explained below.

Sarah: 7/10

One shot.

Denmark:

Legit instrument. That’s a shot.

Sarah loved the existence of the flute guy. So did I. I like the look of this drumming setup. She’s underwhelming, but there’s a ridiculous costume, compounded by the lack of shoes; and there’s wind machining. I am loving the whole drumming thing in the background. The song I could take or leave, but the ‘dudes snaring and bassing at the same time’ was spectacular.

Adela: 8/10. I liked the drumming, but not her.

Sarah: 8.5/10

Three shots.

Backstage interval: I’m loving these Croatian gents. They get an extra half point for adorableness.

“Don’t complain, it’s even more expensive in Norway.” Definitely the slogan they should have gone with. I mean seriously. Also, that’s a shot for overt politicking.

Russia:

Four chord song. That’s adorable. Sarah hates it. I do too. It was her head voice which did it. That KEYCHANGE though. It made me want to kill myself a little, which means it was perfectly executed. The one redeeming feature of this song.

Adela: 4/10

Sarah: 4/10

One shot.

The Ukraine:

#ThatAwkwardMomentWhenTheUkraineIsOnRightAfterRussia.

And then there was a giant, carrying her in a ridiculous fashion. That’s a double shot for ridiculous costume. Sarah likes her dress. I’m liking the song. I don’t know why, but I am. Sarah says it’s in serious need of backup dancers. I agree. Excellent key change. I knew it was coming, and it was just as cheesy and horrible as I thought it would be.

Adela: 8/10

Sarah: 5.5/10

Three shots.

The Netherlands:

Sarah: “Peculiar phrasing, terrible scansion. Don’t breathe in the middle of a phrase, do you even read music?”

This song could work within the prism of death metal. But that’s the only prisim in which it could work. I do like the tonal structure however. She’s atrocious, but with a different singer, in a different style it might be less shit.

Adela: 4/10

Sarah: 4/10

No shots. It was that dull and middle of the road. Shame on you, Netherlands.

Montenegro:

I remember back when they were part of Serbia. Alas no longer.

So they’re astronauts, right. That’s an immediate shot for costuming.

I’m loving the rapping though. Unnecessary and indeed rather shitty dropping of the bass. That chick is ruining a perfectly good Cyrillic rap.

Adela: 6.5/10

Sarah: “Eurovision perfection. It was awful, but it was perfect. Give it a 10, I guess.” 10/10; amended to a 8.5 after Belarus happened. 8.5/10

Shot.

Lithuania:

Well. He looks like a creepy Eastern European. This song seriously reminds me of The Killers. I kind of like it. He’s a massive ham, as befits his creepy Eastern Europeanness, and it’s working for me.

Adela: 7/10

Sarah: 6/10

No shots.

Belarus:

Yes. So much yes. The tassles, the backup dancers with the MC Hammer pants, the disco ball, the constant shimmying. Fire. Drumming interlude precursing a keychange. So much fire.

Adela: 9/10 for trashiness.

Sarah: 9/10.

Three shots.

Moldova:

White grand piano. Drink, bitches.

Lighting interplay with her dress. Drink, bitches.

Sarah is mightily impressed by the backup dancers. I’m tempted to allocate a supplementary shot for her hair, but I won’t.

Also, she’s getting taller. And now there are flames on the dress. That’s practically fire. Drink, bitches.

Adela: 7/10

Sarah: 8/10

Three shots.

Ireland:

Sang as a supporting act for Jedward. I’m excited.

And there’s Irish drumming. Being done by attractive muscular tattooed gentlemen. This gladdens me. The song’s underwhelming, but everything other than the song itself is spectacular. The strobing, the dance beat, the Celtic knots as the backdrop.

Adela: 8.5/10. Authentic and in the spirit of the motion, but the song was shit.

Sarah: 7.5/10

Shot for the menfolk.

And now for the obligatory mention of Australia. Although this is the first time we’ve gotten an actual video spot. This is awesome. I’m so happy that they’ve finally realised that we’re all obsessed. Excellent. Hats off. Solidarity shot.

Cyprus:

So apparently this song is going to be a study in minimalism. Her costume seems to contradict this notion. That hair though. That hair is just WAITING for a wind machine. And there it is. Which is fortunate, because the song is shit. Keychange, which doesn’t surprise me.

Adela: 3/10 – most of it for the wind machining.

Sarah: 3/10

Singular shot.

Belgium:

Watch those eyebrows go. Sarah asks: “Pourquoi Belgique?” I couldn't find a link.

Adela: 6/10

Sarah 6/10

No shots.

Serbia:

Those outfits. Dear sweet lord. That was uncalled for. That's a shot for each singer, and an extra for what the backup singers are wearing. Solid europop. I'm not a fan of the glissandi, but I'll allow it because it is terribly Eurovision. Excellent choreography, so congrats there.

Adela: 7/10

Sarah: 5.5/10

Four shots.

My ten who get through:

Estonia

Croatia 

Denmark

Ukraine

Montenegro

Lithuania

Belarus

Moldova

Ireland

Serbia 

Sarah's ten:

Estonia

Slovenia

Croatia

Denmark

Montenegro

Lithuania

Belarus

Moldova

Ireland

Belgium

The ten who got through:

Estonia. Sarah and I are both 1 for 0.

Denmark. 2 for 0.

Russia. That's a surprise. 2 for 1.

The Ukraine. I'm 3 for 1, Sarah's 2 for 2.

The Netherlands. Whatever Europe. Not judging. I'm 3 for 2, Sarah's 2 for 3.

Lithuania. 4 for 2; 3 for 3.

Belarus. 5 for 2; 4 for 3.

Moldova. 6 for 2; 5 for 3.

Ireland. 7 for 2; 6 for 3.

Belgium. And we equalise, both at 7 for 3.

And now for how much booze would have been ingested: 27. 

ALL OF THE DRINKING.