EVERYBODY!
SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!
What is it with me neglecting to tell you how smashed I'd be if I were playing a drinking game as opposed to blogging?
32 shots. Well under the other two posts, but still remarkably wasted. Go figure.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Hier Kommt Die Semifinal
I’m sitting in a computer room at school, ready to get my Eurocamp on. Here’s hoping I’m not disappointed.
Following on from my recurring theme of the last two posts, I will continue along with Blackie's Eurovision drinking game (for full details, look at the Semifinal 2 post). How euro-trashed will I be??
I’m not sure I’m a fan of Anke’s dress. It’s not enough to warrant a shot, but still. Judith’s is quite nice, but I can’t fathom why Stefan isn’t wearing a tie.
And now Anke has punched Stefan. She does it again in the final... generally when he’s just a bit too much of a tool.
Stefan: voting is so easy even a woman could explain in.
Audience: did he just go there??
Poland
The land of Po. Cute postcard. Painfully so.
Shot for the Gaga/ABBA inspired costumes. The singer looks rather like Santana from Glee. Sings just about as well as her too. Nice use of strobing, but underwhelming use of wind machining. The plumes of smoke help somewhat. A nice Europop song.
8/10
One shot – costumes.
Norway
I didn’t know they had Kenyans in Norway. I’m not being racist, I’m just saying. Apparently the song is partially in Swahili. As you would, when performing at Eurovision. But as those of you who read my comments regarding France’s entry last year will know, I’m quite a fan of afropop. This is no exception. There is however a shot for the gold onesie with butt ruffles.
8.9/10
One shot.
Sam: finally some mid-tempo afro-fusion-pop. Did notice that one of the backup dancers was wearing a tie, I hope it was a full Windsor knot.
Albania
Apparently the singer has crazy fake nails. I'll allocate a pre-emptive shot. Good fog to start with. Another shot for the rest of the outfit. I only wonder if there'll be any wind machining later to capitalise on the floofy bits. Albania traditionally is strong when it comes to the use of wind, but this year is apparently an exception. This lack is compensated for with abundant fire. I'm also a fan of the studded hair. I'm horrified to realise that this is the third song and I'm yet to hear a keychange.
8.5/10
Two shots.
Armenia
This song's called 'Boom Boom'. TITLE SHOT. Interesting set design, shot for the giant boxing glove chair. Shot for the backup dancers in their dressing gowns. I am cracking up at this song, but not in a good way. I'll be giving shots just for the sheer trashiness. The male dancers are also showing a decently Eurovisual amount of chest.
7.25/10
Three shots.
Still no keychange.
Turkey
Shot for the '70s rocker inspired costumes. This should be good. Nice use of fire and fog. Shot for the contortionist chick in the spherical cage. That shit's weird. Not enough strobing if you ask me. Points for the contortionist chick turning into a bird at the end.
8.25/10
Two shots.
Interview Interlude: Portugal are apparently wearing original costumes from '74. And the Albanian lead singer is tiny. I find that without a raging rock band behind her, Georgia's lead singer is even worse. It's a pity, because she brings down the entire performance.
Serbia
I didn't like this one in the final, let's see if I like it more this time... I don't. I do however quite like Nina's dress tonight.
5.5/10
One shot - finally a keychange.
Russia
I'm struck by how much Alexej looks like Ben McKenzie, but in a hotter, European way. I'm also a fan of the fact that he's working the crowd. The backup dancers are also quite cute, despite the fact that their costumes warrant 30 mLs of spirits. The lyrics are a bit odd too: "Put my mind in a dirty zone". Really? Clearly that made more sense in Russian. And call me an elitist, but I liked the rehearsed and regimented bow at the end. 9.5/10
Two shots - keychange, and what a great one it was.
Switzerland
I liked this postcard on the final, but not the song. Will I change my mind? I like the Ukelele, but not her singing. It's all so painfully twee.
5/10
A shot to ease the pain.
Georgia
Shot for the costumes. Her hair is bigger tonight than in the final. And already, she's working the wind machine in true Georgian style. I still don't understand the purpose of the rap though. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN PUT IT IN THERE? The strobing is also a touch underwhelming. Pity.
7.5/10 - I'd give more if she could sing better.
One shot.
A couple of Lordi jokes later, here's Finland.
Sam: If you liked Lordi... turn off your TV now.
Finland
Again, I love the postcard. Yay for classical music.
The song's called 'Da Da Dam'. TITLE SHOT!! This singer is painfully adorable. He's just so cutely huggable. This is a ballad that I actually like. The only issue is that it's not poppy enough for Eurovision. That having been said, I'm still tempted to pull out a lighter and do a Cold Chisel. So adorable.
8.75/10
Two shots - downbeat entry.
Malta
I like the postcard. Probs because I <3 opera.
Well. The backup dancers are very Eurovision with their sleeveless shirts. The lead singer is similarly tanned into oblivion in a very Eurovisual manner. The whole song is however a bit too... irritatingly camp. Decently rousing keychange, but otherwise...
6/10
One shot.
San Marino
Another ballad. From the first chord, I know that despite all the fog flowing over the stag, I'm going to hate this song because it's crap. She's not a very good singer, it's an atrocious song.
<5/10
Shot to erase the memory.
Croatia
According to the hosts [as in Sam and Julia, not Anke, Judith and Stefan], this is one for the drinking games. It's definitely bad enough. I'm not understanding the purpose of the creepy DJ. He's kind of overkill. I'm rather impressed by the quickchange artistry. Pity it's a crap song. A good, rousing keychange, but still. So many points for the changing.
7/10
Two shots - the quickchanging totally distracted from the song.
Iceland
I'm loving the Barbershop aesthetics. And again, I appreciate the fact that they're not wanking it up on a grand piano. They're just honky-tonking along on an upright. I also liked the harmonies at the end.
8/10
One shot - keychange.
Hungary
Sam: No, that's not Michael Bolton.
This is a delightfully boppy song, she's actually quite good. I still feel that the costumes are almost libatively ABBA. And a touch scanty. But I still very much like the LED lit backup dancers. That's Eurovision. I feel that this song could have really benefited from some wind machining, but it just wasn't there. Pity.
8.5/10
Two shots - costume and keychange.
Portugal
The costumes are visibly '74, although why they have a guy dressed up as Fidel Castro is well beyond me. I almost feel as if this song is from some Playschool-esque programme. It feels a touch... infantile. The only thing keeping them above 5/10 is the Castro lookalike. He jives me much jollies.
6/10
Two shots - costume and national dress (vintage clothing from the '70s qualifies in my mind).
Lithuania
An operatic ballad. Not ever a good fusion idea. Here goes nothing... I don't like her voice. Maybe it's just me, but she's a bit pitchy. Shot for the ridiculous dress train. There's good fog, but no wind. Her hair (and dress) could really capitalise on it, but it just isn't there. And I still don't understand the sign language in a SONG CONTEST. So bland.
6/10
One shot.
Azerbaijan
I'm going to allocate five shots for how nauseating this was, and then fast forward through it. <5/10
Five shots.
That was painful.
Sam: it's all a bit to Graduate for me.
And now for Greece.
Julia: The Greeks combine classical music, folk music and rap.
Sam: Finally.
Greece
Now this will be Eurovisual. I'm ready for partially shirtless men. What's this? They're wearing shirts. At least they're breakdancing as compensation. The rap guy soinds like he should be singing backup in Cannibal Corpse, but the classical guy is a cutie. There's a shot for the LUDICROUSLY Greek background image. The Greek dancing interlude is also cracking me up no end. And now the backup dancers are divested of their jackets and dancing among pillars of fire. Cool.
9/10
One shot.
Interview Interlude: in which the singers talk rapidly at the SBS cameras in their native languages. I swoon.
So according to me, the qualifying nations are as follows, in order of performance:
Poland
Norway
Albania
Turkey
Russia
Georgia
Finland
Iceland
Hungary
Greece
I'm not going to comment on the Drumline entertainment. They didn't even march in step. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
I must say that Jon Ola Sand has a far less entertaining name than last year's lord god king of Eurovision, Svante.
So... the nations which Europe has chosen for qualification are as follows:
Serbia - 0 for 1
Lithuania - 0 for 2
Greece - 1 for 2
Azerbaijan - 1 for 3
Georgia - 2 for 3
Switzerland - 2 for 4
Hungary - 3 for 4
Finland - 4 for 4
Russia - 5 for 4
Iceland - 6 for 4
Same accuracy as the other semi.
I'd just like to have a quick final private rant regarding this year's Eurovision.
WHERE WERE THE WIND MACHINES? THIS IS EUROVISION. I EXPECT GALE FORCE WINDS IN EVERY NUMBER. I AM SO UNIMPRESSED WITH THE CALIBRE OF THIS YEAR'S WIND MACHINING.
So unimpressed.
Following on from my recurring theme of the last two posts, I will continue along with Blackie's Eurovision drinking game (for full details, look at the Semifinal 2 post). How euro-trashed will I be??
I’m not sure I’m a fan of Anke’s dress. It’s not enough to warrant a shot, but still. Judith’s is quite nice, but I can’t fathom why Stefan isn’t wearing a tie.
And now Anke has punched Stefan. She does it again in the final... generally when he’s just a bit too much of a tool.
Stefan: voting is so easy even a woman could explain in.
Audience: did he just go there??
Poland
The land of Po. Cute postcard. Painfully so.
Shot for the Gaga/ABBA inspired costumes. The singer looks rather like Santana from Glee. Sings just about as well as her too. Nice use of strobing, but underwhelming use of wind machining. The plumes of smoke help somewhat. A nice Europop song.
8/10
One shot – costumes.
Norway
I didn’t know they had Kenyans in Norway. I’m not being racist, I’m just saying. Apparently the song is partially in Swahili. As you would, when performing at Eurovision. But as those of you who read my comments regarding France’s entry last year will know, I’m quite a fan of afropop. This is no exception. There is however a shot for the gold onesie with butt ruffles.
8.9/10
One shot.
Sam: finally some mid-tempo afro-fusion-pop. Did notice that one of the backup dancers was wearing a tie, I hope it was a full Windsor knot.
Albania
Apparently the singer has crazy fake nails. I'll allocate a pre-emptive shot. Good fog to start with. Another shot for the rest of the outfit. I only wonder if there'll be any wind machining later to capitalise on the floofy bits. Albania traditionally is strong when it comes to the use of wind, but this year is apparently an exception. This lack is compensated for with abundant fire. I'm also a fan of the studded hair. I'm horrified to realise that this is the third song and I'm yet to hear a keychange.
8.5/10
Two shots.
Armenia
This song's called 'Boom Boom'. TITLE SHOT. Interesting set design, shot for the giant boxing glove chair. Shot for the backup dancers in their dressing gowns. I am cracking up at this song, but not in a good way. I'll be giving shots just for the sheer trashiness. The male dancers are also showing a decently Eurovisual amount of chest.
7.25/10
Three shots.
Still no keychange.
Turkey
Shot for the '70s rocker inspired costumes. This should be good. Nice use of fire and fog. Shot for the contortionist chick in the spherical cage. That shit's weird. Not enough strobing if you ask me. Points for the contortionist chick turning into a bird at the end.
8.25/10
Two shots.
Interview Interlude: Portugal are apparently wearing original costumes from '74. And the Albanian lead singer is tiny. I find that without a raging rock band behind her, Georgia's lead singer is even worse. It's a pity, because she brings down the entire performance.
Serbia
I didn't like this one in the final, let's see if I like it more this time... I don't. I do however quite like Nina's dress tonight.
5.5/10
One shot - finally a keychange.
Russia
I'm struck by how much Alexej looks like Ben McKenzie, but in a hotter, European way. I'm also a fan of the fact that he's working the crowd. The backup dancers are also quite cute, despite the fact that their costumes warrant 30 mLs of spirits. The lyrics are a bit odd too: "Put my mind in a dirty zone". Really? Clearly that made more sense in Russian. And call me an elitist, but I liked the rehearsed and regimented bow at the end. 9.5/10
Two shots - keychange, and what a great one it was.
Switzerland
I liked this postcard on the final, but not the song. Will I change my mind? I like the Ukelele, but not her singing. It's all so painfully twee.
5/10
A shot to ease the pain.
Georgia
Shot for the costumes. Her hair is bigger tonight than in the final. And already, she's working the wind machine in true Georgian style. I still don't understand the purpose of the rap though. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN PUT IT IN THERE? The strobing is also a touch underwhelming. Pity.
7.5/10 - I'd give more if she could sing better.
One shot.
A couple of Lordi jokes later, here's Finland.
Sam: If you liked Lordi... turn off your TV now.
Finland
Again, I love the postcard. Yay for classical music.
The song's called 'Da Da Dam'. TITLE SHOT!! This singer is painfully adorable. He's just so cutely huggable. This is a ballad that I actually like. The only issue is that it's not poppy enough for Eurovision. That having been said, I'm still tempted to pull out a lighter and do a Cold Chisel. So adorable.
8.75/10
Two shots - downbeat entry.
Malta
I like the postcard. Probs because I <3 opera.
Well. The backup dancers are very Eurovision with their sleeveless shirts. The lead singer is similarly tanned into oblivion in a very Eurovisual manner. The whole song is however a bit too... irritatingly camp. Decently rousing keychange, but otherwise...
6/10
One shot.
San Marino
Another ballad. From the first chord, I know that despite all the fog flowing over the stag, I'm going to hate this song because it's crap. She's not a very good singer, it's an atrocious song.
<5/10
Shot to erase the memory.
Croatia
According to the hosts [as in Sam and Julia, not Anke, Judith and Stefan], this is one for the drinking games. It's definitely bad enough. I'm not understanding the purpose of the creepy DJ. He's kind of overkill. I'm rather impressed by the quickchange artistry. Pity it's a crap song. A good, rousing keychange, but still. So many points for the changing.
7/10
Two shots - the quickchanging totally distracted from the song.
Iceland
I'm loving the Barbershop aesthetics. And again, I appreciate the fact that they're not wanking it up on a grand piano. They're just honky-tonking along on an upright. I also liked the harmonies at the end.
8/10
One shot - keychange.
Hungary
Sam: No, that's not Michael Bolton.
This is a delightfully boppy song, she's actually quite good. I still feel that the costumes are almost libatively ABBA. And a touch scanty. But I still very much like the LED lit backup dancers. That's Eurovision. I feel that this song could have really benefited from some wind machining, but it just wasn't there. Pity.
8.5/10
Two shots - costume and keychange.
Portugal
The costumes are visibly '74, although why they have a guy dressed up as Fidel Castro is well beyond me. I almost feel as if this song is from some Playschool-esque programme. It feels a touch... infantile. The only thing keeping them above 5/10 is the Castro lookalike. He jives me much jollies.
6/10
Two shots - costume and national dress (vintage clothing from the '70s qualifies in my mind).
Lithuania
An operatic ballad. Not ever a good fusion idea. Here goes nothing... I don't like her voice. Maybe it's just me, but she's a bit pitchy. Shot for the ridiculous dress train. There's good fog, but no wind. Her hair (and dress) could really capitalise on it, but it just isn't there. And I still don't understand the sign language in a SONG CONTEST. So bland.
6/10
One shot.
Azerbaijan
I'm going to allocate five shots for how nauseating this was, and then fast forward through it. <5/10
Five shots.
That was painful.
Sam: it's all a bit to Graduate for me.
And now for Greece.
Julia: The Greeks combine classical music, folk music and rap.
Sam: Finally.
Greece
Now this will be Eurovisual. I'm ready for partially shirtless men. What's this? They're wearing shirts. At least they're breakdancing as compensation. The rap guy soinds like he should be singing backup in Cannibal Corpse, but the classical guy is a cutie. There's a shot for the LUDICROUSLY Greek background image. The Greek dancing interlude is also cracking me up no end. And now the backup dancers are divested of their jackets and dancing among pillars of fire. Cool.
9/10
One shot.
Interview Interlude: in which the singers talk rapidly at the SBS cameras in their native languages. I swoon.
So according to me, the qualifying nations are as follows, in order of performance:
Poland
Norway
Albania
Turkey
Russia
Georgia
Finland
Iceland
Hungary
Greece
I'm not going to comment on the Drumline entertainment. They didn't even march in step. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
I must say that Jon Ola Sand has a far less entertaining name than last year's lord god king of Eurovision, Svante.
So... the nations which Europe has chosen for qualification are as follows:
Serbia - 0 for 1
Lithuania - 0 for 2
Greece - 1 for 2
Azerbaijan - 1 for 3
Georgia - 2 for 3
Switzerland - 2 for 4
Hungary - 3 for 4
Finland - 4 for 4
Russia - 5 for 4
Iceland - 6 for 4
Same accuracy as the other semi.
I'd just like to have a quick final private rant regarding this year's Eurovision.
WHERE WERE THE WIND MACHINES? THIS IS EUROVISION. I EXPECT GALE FORCE WINDS IN EVERY NUMBER. I AM SO UNIMPRESSED WITH THE CALIBRE OF THIS YEAR'S WIND MACHINING.
So unimpressed.
Monday, May 16, 2011
DER EUROVISION FINAL!!!!
Here's the final, following the same drinking game as the last post, with a quick addition: when a nation gives it's top 3 points allocations to countries within it's region, you drink a geopolitics shot. Enjoy, my drunken dearies.
Now would also be a good time to point out that my scoring system is logarithmic rather than linear. It'll come in handy later.
This is the first time I’ve seen the starting credits. They’re cool. And apparently they somehow got 36 000 people into the stadium. I am impressed. As usual, us aussies get a shout out from the hosts. As usual, I’m feeling the love.
And now, since Lena is once again germany’s entry, the hosts are going to give us their rendition of Satellite. That is some weird shiznit right there. That having been said, it’s a cute arrangememnt. And the double bass player is a bit of a hottie. And I’m a fan of the whole big band thing. As well as the 43 Lena lookalikes. And now, Lena is apparently standing on a double bass whilst singing. Respect.
I must say that the video showing the football stadium to euro-temple was pretty darn cool. And now onto the videos.
Finland
I’m in awe of this postcard. The guy took his double bass ON THE BUS.
The song’s called ‘Da da dam’. Shot. He’s a cutie though. And it’s quite an adorable song. I think I just love his accent a little. Oh to be back in Finland. The problem is that it’s a bit too meaningful, and not quite Europop enough. I love it, but will Europe?
8.75/10
One shot.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
He's still old. And the song is still kind of weird. I'm still not sold, but I'm liking it slightly more than before. It's kind of cute in a sadly postcommunist way. I'm also thinking I might have hallucinated one of last night's keychanges.
7/10
One shot - keychange.
Denmark
Another unnecessary shot yesterday - it's the band which has a stupid name. I actually really like this song. They're so adorably Scandiwegian. Respect for the random giant balloon, but once again, it's a shot for the backless shirt on the lead singer.
9/10
Two shots - keychange.
Lithuania
An operatic ballad. This should be interesting. A lovely dress, but not quite enough to merit a shot. good use of fog, bad use of a wind machine, in that there wasn't any. Her hair and dress are just crying out for it. I'm not quite understanding the point of the sign language. Clearly it's for all the deaf people who are watching a SONG CONTEST. The keychange was a bit... forced.
7/10
Two shots - downbeat entry.
Hungary
She's an old one. Shot for the ABBA inspired costumes. Decent seizure inducement, underwhelming male dancers. It's an alright song overall, and I'm muchly a fan of the use of spotlights. I'm surprised there wasn't a keychange, but the LED clothing more than makes up for it.
8.5/10
One shot.
Interview interlude - wow. Russia is a BABE.
Ireland
John and Edward (Jedward from hereonin) have a brother named Kevin. According to Sam, he's the Fredo of the family. Awkies for him.
Instant double shot for the hair and the outfits. Respect for going with it when one of them dropped his mike stand. Very profesh. Once again, loving the bit when they marched. Very cute.
8.25/10
Three shots - keychange.
Sam: This is what happens when eighteen year old boys drink red cordial.
Sweden
I still love the viking postcard.
Well. They've notched it up since the semi. There are more specfx. I'm still not a fan of the whole glove thing, although the semi-shirtless male dancers are more than Eurovision enough to compensate. I just feel that the lights didn't strobe enough.
8.25/10
Two shots - keychange, that bloody glove.
Estonia
Adorable as this song is, I can't like it because it just isn't trashy enough. I like it as a song, but not as an example of europop.
7.5/10 - I marked it down because it wasn't trashy. Otherwise, 9/10
Still no shots.
Greece
I'm watching Greece, and yet I can see no chest hair. I can't even see any chest. WHAT IS THIS? The rapper sounds as if he should be in some heavy metal version of Linkin Park. Despite the lack of open shirts, I'm liking the song. Probably for the metallic undertones. It's very dark by Greek standards, but there's great use of pyrotechnics. I will however need to allocate a shot to the ridiculous backdrop.
8.25/10
One shot.
Russia
Cool postcard.
Apparently the singer just won dancing with the stars on ice... and on land. Kudos to him. And he's a bit of a HOTTIE. There's a shot for what the breakdancers are wearing. I like it though, partially because he's the first act to actually work the crowd. And I'm impressed by the writing on the jackets. The song could have used a keychange.
8.75/10
One shot.
France
I'm looking forward to this. He's a babe who sings opera. I've been looking forward to this ever since I saw the little clip of him in the Big Five montage. So far I love the music, and his voice... and him in general. The hair's a touch odd, but otherwise this is some great shit. There's good use of fog, and have I mentioned that he's amazingly beautiful? And there's pyrotechnics.
10/10 - it'll never win, and I don't care if it wasn't even clichét enough to warrant a shot. I'm in love.
Italy
This is Italy's first performance in 14 years. That's a while. And now I can see why. There's a creepy dude playing a clear perspex piano. And it's slow jazz, which I also hate. And the trumpet player has a bun. And he's a dude. DISLIKE. I haven't actively hated a song this much since last year.
<5/10
One shot - we need to erase the memory of just how bad that was.
Interview interlude - France's entry is the youngest tenor in the world. AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL.
Switzerland
Cute postcard. I liked the fact that they had 'Feel your heart beat' in all four main languages.
It's a pity, because that was the last thing I liked about Switzerland.
<5/10
No shots.
UK
Shot for the giant LCD portraits. Shot for the shiny outfits. Points for harmonising. Points lost for the solos. Points for the amount of chest showing - Britain has really put some eurotrash into it this time. I can't help but feel however that the only reason the black guy is there is because he's muscly and thus adds some street cred.
8.25/10
Two shots.
Moldova
They've supported Korn and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. It shows.
I can't help but realise that the guitar players aren't wearing hats tonight. That won't stop me from giving two shots immediately for outfit. This song is like a technicolour seizure, replete with some random chick on a unicycle. I still, for some ridiculous reason, still find that I like it.
7.5/10
Three shots - that monocle really creeps me out.
Germany
This postcard is a behind-the-scenes thing looking at the hosts. Muy adorable.
Lena's backup dancers look like something you'd ezpect in a Katy Perry clip. It's weird. Lena still sounds like Missy Higgins, but if anything, she is now too seasoned a performer. She's stopped being adorable. And the harem pants were a mistake. One shot for the outfit, one for the unitard-clad dancers. None for changing key.
6/10
Two shots.
Romania
I like the postcard of the graffiti artists.
This song seems cool. The pianist is nicely insane, and there's some good subtle sparkling. The women are unfortunately not wearing enough clothing. This is then offset by the fact that they're trumpeting. Shot for the tartan on the back of the men's vests. Decent light show, good fire to finish.
7.25/10
Two shots - keychange.
Austria
I am unmoved in my opinion. She's pleasantly sparkly, but otherwise... The fog and the sparkles are all that's keeping her above 5/10.
6/10
A shot to erase the memory of how boring that was.
Azerbaijan
Immediate shot for the quasi-grecian costumes. Their outfits may be white, but the song is incredibly beige. I approve of the fireworks shower, but this is overwhelmingly unimpressive. And the guy weirds me out.
5/10
One shot.
Slovenia
Another immediate shot for outfit. Honestly, what was she thinking? I'm also not liking the power balladry - this is another white girl trying to be Beyonce, whom I already dislike. Rousing keychange, and passable wind machining towards the end.
7/10
Two shots.
Iceland
Cutely barbershop. I like the fact that they aren't wanking it up on a grand piano. I also like the story of the band's formation. Nothing like Eurovision to give you the warm fuzzies. Points for the backdrop.
8/10
One shot - keychange.
Spain
I'm ready for another shocker. Will I be pleasantly surprised? Probably not. They're wearing white/lurid pink. SHOT! All I can say is that this song is like Spanish daytime TV in song form. If not for the handheld pyrotechnics, this would be a total loss.
5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Ukraine
I am struck bu how much the singer reminds me of Teylor Swift. I still can't get over the weirdness of the costumes, but they're cool nonetheless. And the sand art... wow. I also love the use of wind and fog.
8.5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Serbia
They're very sixties. Libatively so. I, unlike Sam and Julia, am not feeling the love. I like the fact that the backdrop is nauseatingly bright and swirly, but that's it.
5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Georgia
This lot look adorably dark. They sound adorably dark too. The costumes warrant a shot, but the wind machining is on par with Georgia's usual good capitalisation thereof. My only criticisms are: they're trying to hard, the girl kind of sucks, and there's a random guy rapping. The only people who get away with that kind of thing are Linkin Park. I do however like all the crazy strobing and the fireworks at the end.
8.5/10
Two shots - keychange.
So, at the end of another final, the placings according to me are as follows:
1 - France
2 - Denmark
3 - Finland, Russia
4 - Georgia, Hungary, Ukraine
5 - Greece, Ireland, Sweden, The UK
6 - Iceland
7 - Estonia, Moldova
8 - Romania
9 - Bosnia & Herzegovina, Lithuania, Slovenia
10 - Austria, Germany
11 - Azerbaijan, Serbia, Spain
12 - Italy, Switzerland
Now we drink a shot for the new dress Anke is wearing. Apparently Anke is a professional comedienne. I'm loving all the Berlin wall jokes.
And now onto the dangerous territory of politics shots. Prepare your glasses, this could get ugly.
Russia: Greece 8; Ukraine 10; Azerbaijan 12.
We drink a shot because the UK are still on a duck.
Bulgaria: Ukraine 8; Greece 10; UK 12.
The Netherlands: Bosnia & Herzegovina 8; Sweden 10; Denmark 12.
Italy: [we drink a shot for what the presenter is wearing] Moldova 8; UK 10; Romania 12.
What is this? The UK are actually leading???
Cyprus: Azerbaijan 8; Sweden 10; Greece 12.
Well, that was foreseen. I don't see why people are bothering to boo, but still. We all knew that was going to happen. Either way, we drink a shot!
Ukraine: Russia 8; Azerbaijan 10; Georgia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Finland: Iceland 8; Ireland 10, Hungary 12.
Finland, Switzerland and Spain are all still sitting on a duck. That's a pity with regard to Finland.
Norway: [ooh, look! It's that chick who hosted last year.] Iceland 8; Sweden 10; Finland 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Armenia: Russia 8; Georgia 10; Ukraine 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
FYR Macedonia: Serbia 8; Slovenia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Switzerland is still on a duck. Sucks to be them.
Iceland: Azerbaijan 8; Finland 10; Denmark 12.
Slovenia [which half the time the hosts refer to as Slovakia]: Ireland 8; Sweden 10; Ukraine 12.
I'm yet to drink an Ireland shot. This is odd.
UK: Moldova 8; Switzerland 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!! It seems I spoke too soon.
Denmark: Germany 8; Sweden 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!!
Austria: Azerbaijan 8; Germany 10 [duhh]; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
Poland: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Lithuania 12.
Spain, on 7, is the only country still on single digits. Of course they WERE crap...
Sweden [the presenter's wearing an Eric Saade shirt. POLITICS SHOT!!]: Bosnia & Herzegovina 8; Denmark 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!!
San Marino [presenter singing? ANAESTHETIC SHOT!!]: Greece 8; Azerbaijan 10; Italy 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (San Marino being only a principality, giving the 12 to Italy counts as geopoliticking.)
At this point, there's only one point between Sweden and Azerbaijan. In previous years, the winner was clearly visible by this stage in the proceedings. Go figure.
Germany: Ireland 8; Greece 10; Austria 12 [duhh].
Azerbaijan [Shot for what the presenter's wearing]: Greece 8; Georgia 10; Ukraine 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Slovenia [More presenter singing. Unnecessary. At least he's better than the guy from San Marino]: Denmark 8; Serbia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
I liked his octopus reference. Lols abound.
Turkey: Georgia 8; Bosnia & Herzegovina 10; Azerbaijan 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Spain is STILL on single digits. There are STILL only two points between Azerbaijan and Sweden.
Switzerland: Germany 8; Iceland 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
Greece [who will they vote for now that Cyprus is out of the running?]: Georgia 8; Italy 10; France 12. HUZZAH!!
Georgia: Azerbaijan 8; Ukraine 10; Lithuania 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
France [They aren't using English. Snap. Good thing I like hot guys who speak French. POLITICS SHOT!!]: Italy 8; Sweden 10; Spain 12. Really? Really??
Serbia: Hungary 8; Slovenia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Croatia: Serbia 8; Azerbaijan 10; Slovenia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Belarus: Germany 8; Ukraine 10; Georgia 12.
Romania: Greece 8; Azerbaijan 10; Moldova 12.
Albania: Azerbaijan 8; Greece 10; Italy 12.
Malta: Ireland 8; Italy 10 [duhh]; Azerbaijan 12.
Portugal: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Spain 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (With Spain being the only neighbour Portugal has, this warrants alcoholic recognition)
Azerbaijan is starting to really break away.
Hungary: Greece 8; Sweden 10; Iceland 12.
Lithuania: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Georgia 12.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Azerbaijan 8; Serbia 10; Slovenia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Ireland [loving the prosthetic Jedward hair]: Moldova 8; Lithuania 10; Denmark 12.
SHOT FOR THE UK GETTING NOTHING FROM THEIR ONLY REAL EUROVISUAL NEIGHBOUR!!
Spain: Romania 8; France 10; Italy 12.
Israel: Russia 8; Denmark 10; Sweden 12.
Estonia: Azerbaijan 8; Denmark 10; Sweden 12.
I can't help but realise that Sam and Julia aren't feeling the love for Azerbaijan either. They weren't that good.
Moldova: Ukraine 8; Azerbaijan 10; Romania 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Azerbaijan have now won to a mathematical certainty. But it's not by the 150+ points margins of the last few winners.
Belgium: Greece 8; Romania 10; France 12. Hurrah. He's such a cutie.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (Belgium really doesn't have that many neighbours)
Latvia: Germany 8; Ireland 10; Italy 12.
Well that's Eurovision. Azerbaijan won, which shits me, but at least with the 62 shots I theoretically drank, I was way too wasted [pronounced: dead as a result of alcohol poisoning] to care. Stay tuned for Semifinal 1.
Now would also be a good time to point out that my scoring system is logarithmic rather than linear. It'll come in handy later.
This is the first time I’ve seen the starting credits. They’re cool. And apparently they somehow got 36 000 people into the stadium. I am impressed. As usual, us aussies get a shout out from the hosts. As usual, I’m feeling the love.
And now, since Lena is once again germany’s entry, the hosts are going to give us their rendition of Satellite. That is some weird shiznit right there. That having been said, it’s a cute arrangememnt. And the double bass player is a bit of a hottie. And I’m a fan of the whole big band thing. As well as the 43 Lena lookalikes. And now, Lena is apparently standing on a double bass whilst singing. Respect.
I must say that the video showing the football stadium to euro-temple was pretty darn cool. And now onto the videos.
Finland
I’m in awe of this postcard. The guy took his double bass ON THE BUS.
The song’s called ‘Da da dam’. Shot. He’s a cutie though. And it’s quite an adorable song. I think I just love his accent a little. Oh to be back in Finland. The problem is that it’s a bit too meaningful, and not quite Europop enough. I love it, but will Europe?
8.75/10
One shot.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
He's still old. And the song is still kind of weird. I'm still not sold, but I'm liking it slightly more than before. It's kind of cute in a sadly postcommunist way. I'm also thinking I might have hallucinated one of last night's keychanges.
7/10
One shot - keychange.
Denmark
Another unnecessary shot yesterday - it's the band which has a stupid name. I actually really like this song. They're so adorably Scandiwegian. Respect for the random giant balloon, but once again, it's a shot for the backless shirt on the lead singer.
9/10
Two shots - keychange.
Lithuania
An operatic ballad. This should be interesting. A lovely dress, but not quite enough to merit a shot. good use of fog, bad use of a wind machine, in that there wasn't any. Her hair and dress are just crying out for it. I'm not quite understanding the point of the sign language. Clearly it's for all the deaf people who are watching a SONG CONTEST. The keychange was a bit... forced.
7/10
Two shots - downbeat entry.
Hungary
She's an old one. Shot for the ABBA inspired costumes. Decent seizure inducement, underwhelming male dancers. It's an alright song overall, and I'm muchly a fan of the use of spotlights. I'm surprised there wasn't a keychange, but the LED clothing more than makes up for it.
8.5/10
One shot.
Interview interlude - wow. Russia is a BABE.
Ireland
John and Edward (Jedward from hereonin) have a brother named Kevin. According to Sam, he's the Fredo of the family. Awkies for him.
Instant double shot for the hair and the outfits. Respect for going with it when one of them dropped his mike stand. Very profesh. Once again, loving the bit when they marched. Very cute.
8.25/10
Three shots - keychange.
Sam: This is what happens when eighteen year old boys drink red cordial.
Sweden
I still love the viking postcard.
Well. They've notched it up since the semi. There are more specfx. I'm still not a fan of the whole glove thing, although the semi-shirtless male dancers are more than Eurovision enough to compensate. I just feel that the lights didn't strobe enough.
8.25/10
Two shots - keychange, that bloody glove.
Estonia
Adorable as this song is, I can't like it because it just isn't trashy enough. I like it as a song, but not as an example of europop.
7.5/10 - I marked it down because it wasn't trashy. Otherwise, 9/10
Still no shots.
Greece
I'm watching Greece, and yet I can see no chest hair. I can't even see any chest. WHAT IS THIS? The rapper sounds as if he should be in some heavy metal version of Linkin Park. Despite the lack of open shirts, I'm liking the song. Probably for the metallic undertones. It's very dark by Greek standards, but there's great use of pyrotechnics. I will however need to allocate a shot to the ridiculous backdrop.
8.25/10
One shot.
Russia
Cool postcard.
Apparently the singer just won dancing with the stars on ice... and on land. Kudos to him. And he's a bit of a HOTTIE. There's a shot for what the breakdancers are wearing. I like it though, partially because he's the first act to actually work the crowd. And I'm impressed by the writing on the jackets. The song could have used a keychange.
8.75/10
One shot.
France
I'm looking forward to this. He's a babe who sings opera. I've been looking forward to this ever since I saw the little clip of him in the Big Five montage. So far I love the music, and his voice... and him in general. The hair's a touch odd, but otherwise this is some great shit. There's good use of fog, and have I mentioned that he's amazingly beautiful? And there's pyrotechnics.
10/10 - it'll never win, and I don't care if it wasn't even clichét enough to warrant a shot. I'm in love.
Italy
This is Italy's first performance in 14 years. That's a while. And now I can see why. There's a creepy dude playing a clear perspex piano. And it's slow jazz, which I also hate. And the trumpet player has a bun. And he's a dude. DISLIKE. I haven't actively hated a song this much since last year.
<5/10
One shot - we need to erase the memory of just how bad that was.
Interview interlude - France's entry is the youngest tenor in the world. AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL.
Switzerland
Cute postcard. I liked the fact that they had 'Feel your heart beat' in all four main languages.
It's a pity, because that was the last thing I liked about Switzerland.
<5/10
No shots.
UK
Shot for the giant LCD portraits. Shot for the shiny outfits. Points for harmonising. Points lost for the solos. Points for the amount of chest showing - Britain has really put some eurotrash into it this time. I can't help but feel however that the only reason the black guy is there is because he's muscly and thus adds some street cred.
8.25/10
Two shots.
Moldova
They've supported Korn and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. It shows.
I can't help but realise that the guitar players aren't wearing hats tonight. That won't stop me from giving two shots immediately for outfit. This song is like a technicolour seizure, replete with some random chick on a unicycle. I still, for some ridiculous reason, still find that I like it.
7.5/10
Three shots - that monocle really creeps me out.
Germany
This postcard is a behind-the-scenes thing looking at the hosts. Muy adorable.
Lena's backup dancers look like something you'd ezpect in a Katy Perry clip. It's weird. Lena still sounds like Missy Higgins, but if anything, she is now too seasoned a performer. She's stopped being adorable. And the harem pants were a mistake. One shot for the outfit, one for the unitard-clad dancers. None for changing key.
6/10
Two shots.
Romania
I like the postcard of the graffiti artists.
This song seems cool. The pianist is nicely insane, and there's some good subtle sparkling. The women are unfortunately not wearing enough clothing. This is then offset by the fact that they're trumpeting. Shot for the tartan on the back of the men's vests. Decent light show, good fire to finish.
7.25/10
Two shots - keychange.
Austria
I am unmoved in my opinion. She's pleasantly sparkly, but otherwise... The fog and the sparkles are all that's keeping her above 5/10.
6/10
A shot to erase the memory of how boring that was.
Azerbaijan
Immediate shot for the quasi-grecian costumes. Their outfits may be white, but the song is incredibly beige. I approve of the fireworks shower, but this is overwhelmingly unimpressive. And the guy weirds me out.
5/10
One shot.
Slovenia
Another immediate shot for outfit. Honestly, what was she thinking? I'm also not liking the power balladry - this is another white girl trying to be Beyonce, whom I already dislike. Rousing keychange, and passable wind machining towards the end.
7/10
Two shots.
Iceland
Cutely barbershop. I like the fact that they aren't wanking it up on a grand piano. I also like the story of the band's formation. Nothing like Eurovision to give you the warm fuzzies. Points for the backdrop.
8/10
One shot - keychange.
Spain
I'm ready for another shocker. Will I be pleasantly surprised? Probably not. They're wearing white/lurid pink. SHOT! All I can say is that this song is like Spanish daytime TV in song form. If not for the handheld pyrotechnics, this would be a total loss.
5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Ukraine
I am struck bu how much the singer reminds me of Teylor Swift. I still can't get over the weirdness of the costumes, but they're cool nonetheless. And the sand art... wow. I also love the use of wind and fog.
8.5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Serbia
They're very sixties. Libatively so. I, unlike Sam and Julia, am not feeling the love. I like the fact that the backdrop is nauseatingly bright and swirly, but that's it.
5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Georgia
This lot look adorably dark. They sound adorably dark too. The costumes warrant a shot, but the wind machining is on par with Georgia's usual good capitalisation thereof. My only criticisms are: they're trying to hard, the girl kind of sucks, and there's a random guy rapping. The only people who get away with that kind of thing are Linkin Park. I do however like all the crazy strobing and the fireworks at the end.
8.5/10
Two shots - keychange.
So, at the end of another final, the placings according to me are as follows:
1 - France
2 - Denmark
3 - Finland, Russia
4 - Georgia, Hungary, Ukraine
5 - Greece, Ireland, Sweden, The UK
6 - Iceland
7 - Estonia, Moldova
8 - Romania
9 - Bosnia & Herzegovina, Lithuania, Slovenia
10 - Austria, Germany
11 - Azerbaijan, Serbia, Spain
12 - Italy, Switzerland
Now we drink a shot for the new dress Anke is wearing. Apparently Anke is a professional comedienne. I'm loving all the Berlin wall jokes.
And now onto the dangerous territory of politics shots. Prepare your glasses, this could get ugly.
Russia: Greece 8; Ukraine 10; Azerbaijan 12.
We drink a shot because the UK are still on a duck.
Bulgaria: Ukraine 8; Greece 10; UK 12.
The Netherlands: Bosnia & Herzegovina 8; Sweden 10; Denmark 12.
Italy: [we drink a shot for what the presenter is wearing] Moldova 8; UK 10; Romania 12.
What is this? The UK are actually leading???
Cyprus: Azerbaijan 8; Sweden 10; Greece 12.
Well, that was foreseen. I don't see why people are bothering to boo, but still. We all knew that was going to happen. Either way, we drink a shot!
Ukraine: Russia 8; Azerbaijan 10; Georgia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Finland: Iceland 8; Ireland 10, Hungary 12.
Finland, Switzerland and Spain are all still sitting on a duck. That's a pity with regard to Finland.
Norway: [ooh, look! It's that chick who hosted last year.] Iceland 8; Sweden 10; Finland 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Armenia: Russia 8; Georgia 10; Ukraine 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
FYR Macedonia: Serbia 8; Slovenia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Switzerland is still on a duck. Sucks to be them.
Iceland: Azerbaijan 8; Finland 10; Denmark 12.
Slovenia [which half the time the hosts refer to as Slovakia]: Ireland 8; Sweden 10; Ukraine 12.
I'm yet to drink an Ireland shot. This is odd.
UK: Moldova 8; Switzerland 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!! It seems I spoke too soon.
Denmark: Germany 8; Sweden 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!!
Austria: Azerbaijan 8; Germany 10 [duhh]; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
Poland: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Lithuania 12.
Spain, on 7, is the only country still on single digits. Of course they WERE crap...
Sweden [the presenter's wearing an Eric Saade shirt. POLITICS SHOT!!]: Bosnia & Herzegovina 8; Denmark 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!!
San Marino [presenter singing? ANAESTHETIC SHOT!!]: Greece 8; Azerbaijan 10; Italy 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (San Marino being only a principality, giving the 12 to Italy counts as geopoliticking.)
At this point, there's only one point between Sweden and Azerbaijan. In previous years, the winner was clearly visible by this stage in the proceedings. Go figure.
Germany: Ireland 8; Greece 10; Austria 12 [duhh].
Azerbaijan [Shot for what the presenter's wearing]: Greece 8; Georgia 10; Ukraine 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Slovenia [More presenter singing. Unnecessary. At least he's better than the guy from San Marino]: Denmark 8; Serbia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
I liked his octopus reference. Lols abound.
Turkey: Georgia 8; Bosnia & Herzegovina 10; Azerbaijan 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Spain is STILL on single digits. There are STILL only two points between Azerbaijan and Sweden.
Switzerland: Germany 8; Iceland 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
Greece [who will they vote for now that Cyprus is out of the running?]: Georgia 8; Italy 10; France 12. HUZZAH!!
Georgia: Azerbaijan 8; Ukraine 10; Lithuania 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
France [They aren't using English. Snap. Good thing I like hot guys who speak French. POLITICS SHOT!!]: Italy 8; Sweden 10; Spain 12. Really? Really??
Serbia: Hungary 8; Slovenia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Croatia: Serbia 8; Azerbaijan 10; Slovenia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Belarus: Germany 8; Ukraine 10; Georgia 12.
Romania: Greece 8; Azerbaijan 10; Moldova 12.
Albania: Azerbaijan 8; Greece 10; Italy 12.
Malta: Ireland 8; Italy 10 [duhh]; Azerbaijan 12.
Portugal: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Spain 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (With Spain being the only neighbour Portugal has, this warrants alcoholic recognition)
Azerbaijan is starting to really break away.
Hungary: Greece 8; Sweden 10; Iceland 12.
Lithuania: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Georgia 12.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Azerbaijan 8; Serbia 10; Slovenia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Ireland [loving the prosthetic Jedward hair]: Moldova 8; Lithuania 10; Denmark 12.
SHOT FOR THE UK GETTING NOTHING FROM THEIR ONLY REAL EUROVISUAL NEIGHBOUR!!
Spain: Romania 8; France 10; Italy 12.
Israel: Russia 8; Denmark 10; Sweden 12.
Estonia: Azerbaijan 8; Denmark 10; Sweden 12.
I can't help but realise that Sam and Julia aren't feeling the love for Azerbaijan either. They weren't that good.
Moldova: Ukraine 8; Azerbaijan 10; Romania 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Azerbaijan have now won to a mathematical certainty. But it's not by the 150+ points margins of the last few winners.
Belgium: Greece 8; Romania 10; France 12. Hurrah. He's such a cutie.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (Belgium really doesn't have that many neighbours)
Latvia: Germany 8; Ireland 10; Italy 12.
Well that's Eurovision. Azerbaijan won, which shits me, but at least with the 62 shots I theoretically drank, I was way too wasted [pronounced: dead as a result of alcohol poisoning] to care. Stay tuned for Semifinal 1.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS!!!
EVERYBODY! SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS!!
I just realised I neglected to tell you how smashed I would theorietcally be.
51 shots.
I'd have passed out somewhere in the middle of Belgium's entry.
Now that's Eurotrashy.
I just realised I neglected to tell you how smashed I would theorietcally be.
51 shots.
I'd have passed out somewhere in the middle of Belgium's entry.
Now that's Eurotrashy.
Eurovision 2
Those of you who are concentrating will see that I didn't actually post something from the first Eurovision final. This is because I was at a school function that night. But fear not, I'll post it some time this week. Once I actually watch the show.
This year, as a bit of a side note, I'll be referencing a Eurovision drinking game developed by Andrew Blackie of UNSW. It goes as follows.
Whenever the costume overwhelms the song, you take a shot.
Whenever there's ridiculous national dress, you take a shot.
Whenever a song has a stupid title, you take a shot.
Whenever anyone says the word 'baby', you take a shot.
Whenever there's a keychange, you take a shot.
If ever an entry tries to be serious by using an actual instrument, you take a shot.
Whenever a song gets political, you take a shot.
When Cyprus and Greece are overtly buddy-buddy, you take a shot.
When the Irish win, you take a shot.
When the UK come dead last, you take a shot.
I'll also be giving my ratings out of 10. These don't nevessarily reflect quality of song, the majority of the points are for eurotrashiness; use of fire, fig and wind; and most importantly, shock value. Because this is Eurovision, after all.
So here we go: the second semifinal.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
For a show opener, this was boring. I honestly cannot remember anything interesting about it, apart from the fact that they had a string bass on stage. They did have two keychanges though.
7/10
Two shots.
Austria
All I can think is that the lead singer wishes she was Beyonce. This isn't working for me, mainly because I rather dislike Beyonce. I'm also not a fan of power ballads when they aren't sung by 1980s british rockers. I do however approve of how sparkly her dress is. Swarovski crystals. Shiny. The keychange was well executed, but otherwise, the song was just a bit... meh.
7/10
One shot.
The Netherlands
The lead singer is wearing a textured white suit. He's only mildly classier than Elvis.His sideburns are also quite Presley-esque. And watching him, I can't help but think that he and the bassist have a bit of courtly man-love going on. But dear god, the song's bland.
6/10
One shot - costume.
Belgium
I'm thoroughly impressed by the a capella action going on here. I just can't seem to understand why the ladies are wearing one glove each. They aren't Michael Jackson. Or if they are, that's some trippy shit. And why is that guy, who is clearly over 30, wearing skinny jeans? And they said 'baby' at least sixteen times (and I may have missed a few). I mean the song's called 'With love baby', but still.
8.5/10
Seventeen shots - sixteen for saying the word 'baby', one for costume.
SEVENTEEN SHOTS!!!
Slovenia
They have a piano and a slow drummer - it's a downbeat entry. There is very impressive use of a wind machine - at last, someone's actually getting into the Eurovision spirit. The costumes are a bit ridiculous, although well designed for use in conjunction with a wind machine. It's a pity the singers are flat. There are, however, pyrotechnics, so there's some points there. Probably the eurotrashiest song yet.
Quick side note: BOOOOOOOBS. Honestly ladies. Keep them in your dresses.
8.25/10
Two shots - attempting to be serious, costume.
Ukraine
Cute postcard.
I'm very impressed by the sand art. It's like freaky amazing. But what's with the costume? The Ukraine have, as always, really outdone themselves. Feathers and lurid pleather. Unfortunately, not very good use of wind machines, which is odd for the Ukraine. Usually they capitalise well on such things. The use of a fog machine does however compensate somewhat.
8.75/10
One shot - costume.
Moldova
I'm liking the song. Not because it's good, but because it's so trashy that I can't help but love it. It's almost as good as the song 'Super DJ' by Russian pop-techno group 'Disco Accident'. But the costumes? This is the first double shot for costumes. Eek. There is however impressive usage of seizure inducing lights. I also quite like their custom brass instruments. Oh but wait, there's a monocle. That's another shot in itself.
8.75/10 (for the trashy factor)
Three shots - Costume, national dress, monocle.
Sweden
I like the postcard. The marching band in me just loves footage of parades. I also have a bit of a thing for vikings. Just saying...
Well. Male backup dancers. Now that's Eurovision. I'm not sure about the finished product though. I mean the microphone glove on the lead singer? It's just a bit... REALLY INCREDIBLY HOMOSEXUAL (I couldn't think of a more PC way of saying that). He can dance, though. And the lights could cause the odd seizure.
8.25/10
Two shots - one for costume, one for the very well executed keychange.
Cyprus
I hear from the voice over that there's going to be 'traditional instruments'. That's a shot. There's fog. Cool. There's a chick in a ballgown. With crazy hair. There's another shot. Great music, though. Nice harmonies. Oh wait... Why is that chick now screaming and practising hammerthrow? And I'm also put off slightly by the whole leaning from side to side thing in the verses. Combined with the background art also moving from side to side, I feel as if I'm on a pitching ship. Good dance though.
9/10
Two shots - reasons set out above.
Bulgaria
I feel as if they mugged a young David Bowie for these costumes. They're also a bit... white. The costumes that is. They could really benefit from a wind machine. Good use of fire, however.
8/10
Two shots - keychange, costume.
FYP Macedonia
This song is incredibly beige. And that girl in the backup dancers is camera-whoring WAY too much. If ever there was a song which was just SCREAMING for a modulation, it was this one, but the key stays the same throughout. UNIMPRESSED.
6.75/10
One shot - national dress.
Israel
A transsexual. There's a shot. The song's called 'Ding Dong'. There's a shot. Moving on, the singers are a bit aurally mushy (crap diction), and they're all singing a bit too high for their voice types. The hebrew/english fusion is a bit confusing, but that's because I keep translating in my head. Decently rousing keychange, but the lights could have been more strobe-y. And there could have been a wind machine.
7.5/10
Three shots - another for the fact that the dress makes the singer look a bit like a lizard.
Slovenia
Her voice is passable, but the dominatrix costume is a bit... unnecessary. There's a shot in those boots alone. Second use of a wind machine tonight, but under-capitalised.
7.5/10
One shot.
Romania
Very Human Nature. They're adorable, well dressed, and have a good keychange. And they're also really bland and unmemorable. Pity.
7/10
One shot.
Estonia
Cute postcard. Cute costume. Cute song, with nice use of a snare drum. I'm also liking the unison breakdancing. The buildings which form the backdrop actually look like downtown Tallin. It's a good pop song, but not really that Eurovision.
7.75/10
NO SHOTS. THIS IS WHY IT'S NOT THAT EUROVISION. IT'S COMPLETELY UN-CLICHÉD.
Belarus
'I Love Belarus'. Nice song title. Amazing pyrotechnics. Probably the best I've ever seen in Eurovision. Shot for the overtly political message. That's not going to stop me from downloading it and then sticing it on my ipod. Shot for the costumes. Shot for the amazingly well integrated keychange. AND THEN SHOT FOR THE EVEN BETTER ONE RIGHT AFTER IT!!! RESPECT!!
9.25/10
Four shots.
Latvia
Weird use of swivel stools. Passable wind machining, but not enough. And that weird chiffon stuff is just odd. As is the whole red/white/black colour scheme. And the falsetto? Really? Ick.
6.25/10 - it was that unmemorable.
One shot - costume.
Denmark
Shot for the song title. A Friend in London? Honestly. Shot for their hair. They're adorable enough as their quasi-boyband, but the lights aren't seizure inducing enough. Shot for the backless shirt on the lead singer. There really is no excuse.
8.75/10
Three shots.
Ireland
According to the voice overs, these guys are the second favourites to win the contest. We'll see. Shot for the Gaga appropriated costumes. Shot for the hair. Good use of fog machines. I also take back everythign I said before about Sweden. They were NOWHERE NEAR as overwhelmingly gay as this veritable fount of gay is turning out to be. BRAINSPLODE.
9/10
Three shots - there was a decent keychange.
And now, according to the creepy host guy, "fifteen minutes remain for woting"
So, according to my scores, the countries advancing to the final are, in order of appearance:
Belgium
Slovenia
Ukraine
Moldova
Sweden
Cyprus
Bulgaria
Belarus
Denmark
Ireland
Let's see how many I got correct.
But first, back to the hopelessness of that creepy host guy.
"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Five. Five. Four." etc.
Host lady: Name two things that don't go together.
Creepy host guy: England and penalty shootouts. Germans and humour. Women and Technology.
Crowd: Did he just go there???
But anyway, now for my impressions of the Big Five, having seen a couple of seconds of their clips.
Spain: What on EARTH were they thinking? Yet another fail.
France: What a sex bomb. He's all brooding and operatic. YAY!!
Italy: I'm shaking my head in disappointment. Honestly.
UK: Muscly boy band. Like the Backstreet Boys, but less wimpy looking. This should be informative.
Germany: Weird. That's all I have to say. Weird.
And now the qualification according to Europe.
Estonia - that's 0 for 1 (I'll be using US football rankings here. It's easier.)
Romania - 0 for 2
Moldova - 1 for 2
Ireland - 2 for 2, and we do another shot
Bosnia & Herzegovina - 2 for 3
Denmark - 3 for 3
Austria - 3 for 4
Ukraine - 4 for 4
Slovenia - 5 for 4
Sweden - 6 for 4
That's an improvement on last year - back then I was only 4 for 6.
Quote from Julia (re: Sweden): Men holding each other in man love.
Quote from me (re: Sweden): We thought they were gay, but then we saw Ireland.
Another side note, cameraman 4 is so fired. He's been giving us closeups before it's announced. Sucks to be him :)
Stay tuned for the final, as well as semi 1 when I get around to watching it.
Until then...
This year, as a bit of a side note, I'll be referencing a Eurovision drinking game developed by Andrew Blackie of UNSW. It goes as follows.
Whenever the costume overwhelms the song, you take a shot.
Whenever there's ridiculous national dress, you take a shot.
Whenever a song has a stupid title, you take a shot.
Whenever anyone says the word 'baby', you take a shot.
Whenever there's a keychange, you take a shot.
If ever an entry tries to be serious by using an actual instrument, you take a shot.
Whenever a song gets political, you take a shot.
When Cyprus and Greece are overtly buddy-buddy, you take a shot.
When the Irish win, you take a shot.
When the UK come dead last, you take a shot.
I'll also be giving my ratings out of 10. These don't nevessarily reflect quality of song, the majority of the points are for eurotrashiness; use of fire, fig and wind; and most importantly, shock value. Because this is Eurovision, after all.
So here we go: the second semifinal.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
For a show opener, this was boring. I honestly cannot remember anything interesting about it, apart from the fact that they had a string bass on stage. They did have two keychanges though.
7/10
Two shots.
Austria
All I can think is that the lead singer wishes she was Beyonce. This isn't working for me, mainly because I rather dislike Beyonce. I'm also not a fan of power ballads when they aren't sung by 1980s british rockers. I do however approve of how sparkly her dress is. Swarovski crystals. Shiny. The keychange was well executed, but otherwise, the song was just a bit... meh.
7/10
One shot.
The Netherlands
The lead singer is wearing a textured white suit. He's only mildly classier than Elvis.His sideburns are also quite Presley-esque. And watching him, I can't help but think that he and the bassist have a bit of courtly man-love going on. But dear god, the song's bland.
6/10
One shot - costume.
Belgium
I'm thoroughly impressed by the a capella action going on here. I just can't seem to understand why the ladies are wearing one glove each. They aren't Michael Jackson. Or if they are, that's some trippy shit. And why is that guy, who is clearly over 30, wearing skinny jeans? And they said 'baby' at least sixteen times (and I may have missed a few). I mean the song's called 'With love baby', but still.
8.5/10
Seventeen shots - sixteen for saying the word 'baby', one for costume.
SEVENTEEN SHOTS!!!
Slovenia
They have a piano and a slow drummer - it's a downbeat entry. There is very impressive use of a wind machine - at last, someone's actually getting into the Eurovision spirit. The costumes are a bit ridiculous, although well designed for use in conjunction with a wind machine. It's a pity the singers are flat. There are, however, pyrotechnics, so there's some points there. Probably the eurotrashiest song yet.
Quick side note: BOOOOOOOBS. Honestly ladies. Keep them in your dresses.
8.25/10
Two shots - attempting to be serious, costume.
Ukraine
Cute postcard.
I'm very impressed by the sand art. It's like freaky amazing. But what's with the costume? The Ukraine have, as always, really outdone themselves. Feathers and lurid pleather. Unfortunately, not very good use of wind machines, which is odd for the Ukraine. Usually they capitalise well on such things. The use of a fog machine does however compensate somewhat.
8.75/10
One shot - costume.
Moldova
I'm liking the song. Not because it's good, but because it's so trashy that I can't help but love it. It's almost as good as the song 'Super DJ' by Russian pop-techno group 'Disco Accident'. But the costumes? This is the first double shot for costumes. Eek. There is however impressive usage of seizure inducing lights. I also quite like their custom brass instruments. Oh but wait, there's a monocle. That's another shot in itself.
8.75/10 (for the trashy factor)
Three shots - Costume, national dress, monocle.
Sweden
I like the postcard. The marching band in me just loves footage of parades. I also have a bit of a thing for vikings. Just saying...
Well. Male backup dancers. Now that's Eurovision. I'm not sure about the finished product though. I mean the microphone glove on the lead singer? It's just a bit... REALLY INCREDIBLY HOMOSEXUAL (I couldn't think of a more PC way of saying that). He can dance, though. And the lights could cause the odd seizure.
8.25/10
Two shots - one for costume, one for the very well executed keychange.
Cyprus
I hear from the voice over that there's going to be 'traditional instruments'. That's a shot. There's fog. Cool. There's a chick in a ballgown. With crazy hair. There's another shot. Great music, though. Nice harmonies. Oh wait... Why is that chick now screaming and practising hammerthrow? And I'm also put off slightly by the whole leaning from side to side thing in the verses. Combined with the background art also moving from side to side, I feel as if I'm on a pitching ship. Good dance though.
9/10
Two shots - reasons set out above.
Bulgaria
I feel as if they mugged a young David Bowie for these costumes. They're also a bit... white. The costumes that is. They could really benefit from a wind machine. Good use of fire, however.
8/10
Two shots - keychange, costume.
FYP Macedonia
This song is incredibly beige. And that girl in the backup dancers is camera-whoring WAY too much. If ever there was a song which was just SCREAMING for a modulation, it was this one, but the key stays the same throughout. UNIMPRESSED.
6.75/10
One shot - national dress.
Israel
A transsexual. There's a shot. The song's called 'Ding Dong'. There's a shot. Moving on, the singers are a bit aurally mushy (crap diction), and they're all singing a bit too high for their voice types. The hebrew/english fusion is a bit confusing, but that's because I keep translating in my head. Decently rousing keychange, but the lights could have been more strobe-y. And there could have been a wind machine.
7.5/10
Three shots - another for the fact that the dress makes the singer look a bit like a lizard.
Slovenia
Her voice is passable, but the dominatrix costume is a bit... unnecessary. There's a shot in those boots alone. Second use of a wind machine tonight, but under-capitalised.
7.5/10
One shot.
Romania
Very Human Nature. They're adorable, well dressed, and have a good keychange. And they're also really bland and unmemorable. Pity.
7/10
One shot.
Estonia
Cute postcard. Cute costume. Cute song, with nice use of a snare drum. I'm also liking the unison breakdancing. The buildings which form the backdrop actually look like downtown Tallin. It's a good pop song, but not really that Eurovision.
7.75/10
NO SHOTS. THIS IS WHY IT'S NOT THAT EUROVISION. IT'S COMPLETELY UN-CLICHÉD.
Belarus
'I Love Belarus'. Nice song title. Amazing pyrotechnics. Probably the best I've ever seen in Eurovision. Shot for the overtly political message. That's not going to stop me from downloading it and then sticing it on my ipod. Shot for the costumes. Shot for the amazingly well integrated keychange. AND THEN SHOT FOR THE EVEN BETTER ONE RIGHT AFTER IT!!! RESPECT!!
9.25/10
Four shots.
Latvia
Weird use of swivel stools. Passable wind machining, but not enough. And that weird chiffon stuff is just odd. As is the whole red/white/black colour scheme. And the falsetto? Really? Ick.
6.25/10 - it was that unmemorable.
One shot - costume.
Denmark
Shot for the song title. A Friend in London? Honestly. Shot for their hair. They're adorable enough as their quasi-boyband, but the lights aren't seizure inducing enough. Shot for the backless shirt on the lead singer. There really is no excuse.
8.75/10
Three shots.
Ireland
According to the voice overs, these guys are the second favourites to win the contest. We'll see. Shot for the Gaga appropriated costumes. Shot for the hair. Good use of fog machines. I also take back everythign I said before about Sweden. They were NOWHERE NEAR as overwhelmingly gay as this veritable fount of gay is turning out to be. BRAINSPLODE.
9/10
Three shots - there was a decent keychange.
And now, according to the creepy host guy, "fifteen minutes remain for woting"
So, according to my scores, the countries advancing to the final are, in order of appearance:
Belgium
Slovenia
Ukraine
Moldova
Sweden
Cyprus
Bulgaria
Belarus
Denmark
Ireland
Let's see how many I got correct.
But first, back to the hopelessness of that creepy host guy.
"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Five. Five. Four." etc.
Host lady: Name two things that don't go together.
Creepy host guy: England and penalty shootouts. Germans and humour. Women and Technology.
Crowd: Did he just go there???
But anyway, now for my impressions of the Big Five, having seen a couple of seconds of their clips.
Spain: What on EARTH were they thinking? Yet another fail.
France: What a sex bomb. He's all brooding and operatic. YAY!!
Italy: I'm shaking my head in disappointment. Honestly.
UK: Muscly boy band. Like the Backstreet Boys, but less wimpy looking. This should be informative.
Germany: Weird. That's all I have to say. Weird.
And now the qualification according to Europe.
Estonia - that's 0 for 1 (I'll be using US football rankings here. It's easier.)
Romania - 0 for 2
Moldova - 1 for 2
Ireland - 2 for 2, and we do another shot
Bosnia & Herzegovina - 2 for 3
Denmark - 3 for 3
Austria - 3 for 4
Ukraine - 4 for 4
Slovenia - 5 for 4
Sweden - 6 for 4
That's an improvement on last year - back then I was only 4 for 6.
Quote from Julia (re: Sweden): Men holding each other in man love.
Quote from me (re: Sweden): We thought they were gay, but then we saw Ireland.
Another side note, cameraman 4 is so fired. He's been giving us closeups before it's announced. Sucks to be him :)
Stay tuned for the final, as well as semi 1 when I get around to watching it.
Until then...
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