Here's the final, following the same drinking game as the last post, with a quick addition: when a nation gives it's top 3 points allocations to countries within it's region, you drink a geopolitics shot. Enjoy, my drunken dearies.
Now would also be a good time to point out that my scoring system is logarithmic rather than linear. It'll come in handy later.
This is the first time I’ve seen the starting credits. They’re cool. And apparently they somehow got 36 000 people into the stadium. I am impressed. As usual, us aussies get a shout out from the hosts. As usual, I’m feeling the love.
And now, since Lena is once again germany’s entry, the hosts are going to give us their rendition of Satellite. That is some weird shiznit right there. That having been said, it’s a cute arrangememnt. And the double bass player is a bit of a hottie. And I’m a fan of the whole big band thing. As well as the 43 Lena lookalikes. And now, Lena is apparently standing on a double bass whilst singing. Respect.
I must say that the video showing the football stadium to euro-temple was pretty darn cool. And now onto the videos.
Finland
I’m in awe of this postcard. The guy took his double bass ON THE BUS.
The song’s called ‘Da da dam’. Shot. He’s a cutie though. And it’s quite an adorable song. I think I just love his accent a little. Oh to be back in Finland. The problem is that it’s a bit too meaningful, and not quite Europop enough. I love it, but will Europe?
8.75/10
One shot.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
He's still old. And the song is still kind of weird. I'm still not sold, but I'm liking it slightly more than before. It's kind of cute in a sadly postcommunist way. I'm also thinking I might have hallucinated one of last night's keychanges.
7/10
One shot - keychange.
Denmark
Another unnecessary shot yesterday - it's the band which has a stupid name. I actually really like this song. They're so adorably Scandiwegian. Respect for the random giant balloon, but once again, it's a shot for the backless shirt on the lead singer.
9/10
Two shots - keychange.
Lithuania
An operatic ballad. This should be interesting. A lovely dress, but not quite enough to merit a shot. good use of fog, bad use of a wind machine, in that there wasn't any. Her hair and dress are just crying out for it. I'm not quite understanding the point of the sign language. Clearly it's for all the deaf people who are watching a SONG CONTEST. The keychange was a bit... forced.
7/10
Two shots - downbeat entry.
Hungary
She's an old one. Shot for the ABBA inspired costumes. Decent seizure inducement, underwhelming male dancers. It's an alright song overall, and I'm muchly a fan of the use of spotlights. I'm surprised there wasn't a keychange, but the LED clothing more than makes up for it.
8.5/10
One shot.
Interview interlude - wow. Russia is a BABE.
Ireland
John and Edward (Jedward from hereonin) have a brother named Kevin. According to Sam, he's the Fredo of the family. Awkies for him.
Instant double shot for the hair and the outfits. Respect for going with it when one of them dropped his mike stand. Very profesh. Once again, loving the bit when they marched. Very cute.
8.25/10
Three shots - keychange.
Sam: This is what happens when eighteen year old boys drink red cordial.
Sweden
I still love the viking postcard.
Well. They've notched it up since the semi. There are more specfx. I'm still not a fan of the whole glove thing, although the semi-shirtless male dancers are more than Eurovision enough to compensate. I just feel that the lights didn't strobe enough.
8.25/10
Two shots - keychange, that bloody glove.
Estonia
Adorable as this song is, I can't like it because it just isn't trashy enough. I like it as a song, but not as an example of europop.
7.5/10 - I marked it down because it wasn't trashy. Otherwise, 9/10
Still no shots.
Greece
I'm watching Greece, and yet I can see no chest hair. I can't even see any chest. WHAT IS THIS? The rapper sounds as if he should be in some heavy metal version of Linkin Park. Despite the lack of open shirts, I'm liking the song. Probably for the metallic undertones. It's very dark by Greek standards, but there's great use of pyrotechnics. I will however need to allocate a shot to the ridiculous backdrop.
8.25/10
One shot.
Russia
Cool postcard.
Apparently the singer just won dancing with the stars on ice... and on land. Kudos to him. And he's a bit of a HOTTIE. There's a shot for what the breakdancers are wearing. I like it though, partially because he's the first act to actually work the crowd. And I'm impressed by the writing on the jackets. The song could have used a keychange.
8.75/10
One shot.
France
I'm looking forward to this. He's a babe who sings opera. I've been looking forward to this ever since I saw the little clip of him in the Big Five montage. So far I love the music, and his voice... and him in general. The hair's a touch odd, but otherwise this is some great shit. There's good use of fog, and have I mentioned that he's amazingly beautiful? And there's pyrotechnics.
10/10 - it'll never win, and I don't care if it wasn't even clichét enough to warrant a shot. I'm in love.
Italy
This is Italy's first performance in 14 years. That's a while. And now I can see why. There's a creepy dude playing a clear perspex piano. And it's slow jazz, which I also hate. And the trumpet player has a bun. And he's a dude. DISLIKE. I haven't actively hated a song this much since last year.
<5/10
One shot - we need to erase the memory of just how bad that was.
Interview interlude - France's entry is the youngest tenor in the world. AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL.
Switzerland
Cute postcard. I liked the fact that they had 'Feel your heart beat' in all four main languages.
It's a pity, because that was the last thing I liked about Switzerland.
<5/10
No shots.
UK
Shot for the giant LCD portraits. Shot for the shiny outfits. Points for harmonising. Points lost for the solos. Points for the amount of chest showing - Britain has really put some eurotrash into it this time. I can't help but feel however that the only reason the black guy is there is because he's muscly and thus adds some street cred.
8.25/10
Two shots.
Moldova
They've supported Korn and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. It shows.
I can't help but realise that the guitar players aren't wearing hats tonight. That won't stop me from giving two shots immediately for outfit. This song is like a technicolour seizure, replete with some random chick on a unicycle. I still, for some ridiculous reason, still find that I like it.
7.5/10
Three shots - that monocle really creeps me out.
Germany
This postcard is a behind-the-scenes thing looking at the hosts. Muy adorable.
Lena's backup dancers look like something you'd ezpect in a Katy Perry clip. It's weird. Lena still sounds like Missy Higgins, but if anything, she is now too seasoned a performer. She's stopped being adorable. And the harem pants were a mistake. One shot for the outfit, one for the unitard-clad dancers. None for changing key.
6/10
Two shots.
Romania
I like the postcard of the graffiti artists.
This song seems cool. The pianist is nicely insane, and there's some good subtle sparkling. The women are unfortunately not wearing enough clothing. This is then offset by the fact that they're trumpeting. Shot for the tartan on the back of the men's vests. Decent light show, good fire to finish.
7.25/10
Two shots - keychange.
Austria
I am unmoved in my opinion. She's pleasantly sparkly, but otherwise... The fog and the sparkles are all that's keeping her above 5/10.
6/10
A shot to erase the memory of how boring that was.
Azerbaijan
Immediate shot for the quasi-grecian costumes. Their outfits may be white, but the song is incredibly beige. I approve of the fireworks shower, but this is overwhelmingly unimpressive. And the guy weirds me out.
5/10
One shot.
Slovenia
Another immediate shot for outfit. Honestly, what was she thinking? I'm also not liking the power balladry - this is another white girl trying to be Beyonce, whom I already dislike. Rousing keychange, and passable wind machining towards the end.
7/10
Two shots.
Iceland
Cutely barbershop. I like the fact that they aren't wanking it up on a grand piano. I also like the story of the band's formation. Nothing like Eurovision to give you the warm fuzzies. Points for the backdrop.
8/10
One shot - keychange.
Spain
I'm ready for another shocker. Will I be pleasantly surprised? Probably not. They're wearing white/lurid pink. SHOT! All I can say is that this song is like Spanish daytime TV in song form. If not for the handheld pyrotechnics, this would be a total loss.
5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Ukraine
I am struck bu how much the singer reminds me of Teylor Swift. I still can't get over the weirdness of the costumes, but they're cool nonetheless. And the sand art... wow. I also love the use of wind and fog.
8.5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Serbia
They're very sixties. Libatively so. I, unlike Sam and Julia, am not feeling the love. I like the fact that the backdrop is nauseatingly bright and swirly, but that's it.
5/10
Two shots - keychange.
Georgia
This lot look adorably dark. They sound adorably dark too. The costumes warrant a shot, but the wind machining is on par with Georgia's usual good capitalisation thereof. My only criticisms are: they're trying to hard, the girl kind of sucks, and there's a random guy rapping. The only people who get away with that kind of thing are Linkin Park. I do however like all the crazy strobing and the fireworks at the end.
8.5/10
Two shots - keychange.
So, at the end of another final, the placings according to me are as follows:
1 - France
2 - Denmark
3 - Finland, Russia
4 - Georgia, Hungary, Ukraine
5 - Greece, Ireland, Sweden, The UK
6 - Iceland
7 - Estonia, Moldova
8 - Romania
9 - Bosnia & Herzegovina, Lithuania, Slovenia
10 - Austria, Germany
11 - Azerbaijan, Serbia, Spain
12 - Italy, Switzerland
Now we drink a shot for the new dress Anke is wearing. Apparently Anke is a professional comedienne. I'm loving all the Berlin wall jokes.
And now onto the dangerous territory of politics shots. Prepare your glasses, this could get ugly.
Russia: Greece 8; Ukraine 10; Azerbaijan 12.
We drink a shot because the UK are still on a duck.
Bulgaria: Ukraine 8; Greece 10; UK 12.
The Netherlands: Bosnia & Herzegovina 8; Sweden 10; Denmark 12.
Italy: [we drink a shot for what the presenter is wearing] Moldova 8; UK 10; Romania 12.
What is this? The UK are actually leading???
Cyprus: Azerbaijan 8; Sweden 10; Greece 12.
Well, that was foreseen. I don't see why people are bothering to boo, but still. We all knew that was going to happen. Either way, we drink a shot!
Ukraine: Russia 8; Azerbaijan 10; Georgia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Finland: Iceland 8; Ireland 10, Hungary 12.
Finland, Switzerland and Spain are all still sitting on a duck. That's a pity with regard to Finland.
Norway: [ooh, look! It's that chick who hosted last year.] Iceland 8; Sweden 10; Finland 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Armenia: Russia 8; Georgia 10; Ukraine 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
FYR Macedonia: Serbia 8; Slovenia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Switzerland is still on a duck. Sucks to be them.
Iceland: Azerbaijan 8; Finland 10; Denmark 12.
Slovenia [which half the time the hosts refer to as Slovakia]: Ireland 8; Sweden 10; Ukraine 12.
I'm yet to drink an Ireland shot. This is odd.
UK: Moldova 8; Switzerland 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!! It seems I spoke too soon.
Denmark: Germany 8; Sweden 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!!
Austria: Azerbaijan 8; Germany 10 [duhh]; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
Poland: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Lithuania 12.
Spain, on 7, is the only country still on single digits. Of course they WERE crap...
Sweden [the presenter's wearing an Eric Saade shirt. POLITICS SHOT!!]: Bosnia & Herzegovina 8; Denmark 10; Ireland 12.
LUCK OF THE IRISH!!
San Marino [presenter singing? ANAESTHETIC SHOT!!]: Greece 8; Azerbaijan 10; Italy 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (San Marino being only a principality, giving the 12 to Italy counts as geopoliticking.)
At this point, there's only one point between Sweden and Azerbaijan. In previous years, the winner was clearly visible by this stage in the proceedings. Go figure.
Germany: Ireland 8; Greece 10; Austria 12 [duhh].
Azerbaijan [Shot for what the presenter's wearing]: Greece 8; Georgia 10; Ukraine 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Slovenia [More presenter singing. Unnecessary. At least he's better than the guy from San Marino]: Denmark 8; Serbia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
I liked his octopus reference. Lols abound.
Turkey: Georgia 8; Bosnia & Herzegovina 10; Azerbaijan 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Spain is STILL on single digits. There are STILL only two points between Azerbaijan and Sweden.
Switzerland: Germany 8; Iceland 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
Greece [who will they vote for now that Cyprus is out of the running?]: Georgia 8; Italy 10; France 12. HUZZAH!!
Georgia: Azerbaijan 8; Ukraine 10; Lithuania 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
France [They aren't using English. Snap. Good thing I like hot guys who speak French. POLITICS SHOT!!]: Italy 8; Sweden 10; Spain 12. Really? Really??
Serbia: Hungary 8; Slovenia 10; Bosnia & Herzegovina 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Croatia: Serbia 8; Azerbaijan 10; Slovenia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Belarus: Germany 8; Ukraine 10; Georgia 12.
Romania: Greece 8; Azerbaijan 10; Moldova 12.
Albania: Azerbaijan 8; Greece 10; Italy 12.
Malta: Ireland 8; Italy 10 [duhh]; Azerbaijan 12.
Portugal: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Spain 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (With Spain being the only neighbour Portugal has, this warrants alcoholic recognition)
Azerbaijan is starting to really break away.
Hungary: Greece 8; Sweden 10; Iceland 12.
Lithuania: Azerbaijan 8; Italy 10; Georgia 12.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Azerbaijan 8; Serbia 10; Slovenia 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Ireland [loving the prosthetic Jedward hair]: Moldova 8; Lithuania 10; Denmark 12.
SHOT FOR THE UK GETTING NOTHING FROM THEIR ONLY REAL EUROVISUAL NEIGHBOUR!!
Spain: Romania 8; France 10; Italy 12.
Israel: Russia 8; Denmark 10; Sweden 12.
Estonia: Azerbaijan 8; Denmark 10; Sweden 12.
I can't help but realise that Sam and Julia aren't feeling the love for Azerbaijan either. They weren't that good.
Moldova: Ukraine 8; Azerbaijan 10; Romania 12.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!!
Azerbaijan have now won to a mathematical certainty. But it's not by the 150+ points margins of the last few winners.
Belgium: Greece 8; Romania 10; France 12. Hurrah. He's such a cutie.
GEOPOLITICAL SHOT!! (Belgium really doesn't have that many neighbours)
Latvia: Germany 8; Ireland 10; Italy 12.
Well that's Eurovision. Azerbaijan won, which shits me, but at least with the 62 shots I theoretically drank, I was way too wasted [pronounced: dead as a result of alcohol poisoning] to care. Stay tuned for Semifinal 1.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS!!!
EVERYBODY! SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS!!
I just realised I neglected to tell you how smashed I would theorietcally be.
51 shots.
I'd have passed out somewhere in the middle of Belgium's entry.
Now that's Eurotrashy.
I just realised I neglected to tell you how smashed I would theorietcally be.
51 shots.
I'd have passed out somewhere in the middle of Belgium's entry.
Now that's Eurotrashy.
Eurovision 2
Those of you who are concentrating will see that I didn't actually post something from the first Eurovision final. This is because I was at a school function that night. But fear not, I'll post it some time this week. Once I actually watch the show.
This year, as a bit of a side note, I'll be referencing a Eurovision drinking game developed by Andrew Blackie of UNSW. It goes as follows.
Whenever the costume overwhelms the song, you take a shot.
Whenever there's ridiculous national dress, you take a shot.
Whenever a song has a stupid title, you take a shot.
Whenever anyone says the word 'baby', you take a shot.
Whenever there's a keychange, you take a shot.
If ever an entry tries to be serious by using an actual instrument, you take a shot.
Whenever a song gets political, you take a shot.
When Cyprus and Greece are overtly buddy-buddy, you take a shot.
When the Irish win, you take a shot.
When the UK come dead last, you take a shot.
I'll also be giving my ratings out of 10. These don't nevessarily reflect quality of song, the majority of the points are for eurotrashiness; use of fire, fig and wind; and most importantly, shock value. Because this is Eurovision, after all.
So here we go: the second semifinal.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
For a show opener, this was boring. I honestly cannot remember anything interesting about it, apart from the fact that they had a string bass on stage. They did have two keychanges though.
7/10
Two shots.
Austria
All I can think is that the lead singer wishes she was Beyonce. This isn't working for me, mainly because I rather dislike Beyonce. I'm also not a fan of power ballads when they aren't sung by 1980s british rockers. I do however approve of how sparkly her dress is. Swarovski crystals. Shiny. The keychange was well executed, but otherwise, the song was just a bit... meh.
7/10
One shot.
The Netherlands
The lead singer is wearing a textured white suit. He's only mildly classier than Elvis.His sideburns are also quite Presley-esque. And watching him, I can't help but think that he and the bassist have a bit of courtly man-love going on. But dear god, the song's bland.
6/10
One shot - costume.
Belgium
I'm thoroughly impressed by the a capella action going on here. I just can't seem to understand why the ladies are wearing one glove each. They aren't Michael Jackson. Or if they are, that's some trippy shit. And why is that guy, who is clearly over 30, wearing skinny jeans? And they said 'baby' at least sixteen times (and I may have missed a few). I mean the song's called 'With love baby', but still.
8.5/10
Seventeen shots - sixteen for saying the word 'baby', one for costume.
SEVENTEEN SHOTS!!!
Slovenia
They have a piano and a slow drummer - it's a downbeat entry. There is very impressive use of a wind machine - at last, someone's actually getting into the Eurovision spirit. The costumes are a bit ridiculous, although well designed for use in conjunction with a wind machine. It's a pity the singers are flat. There are, however, pyrotechnics, so there's some points there. Probably the eurotrashiest song yet.
Quick side note: BOOOOOOOBS. Honestly ladies. Keep them in your dresses.
8.25/10
Two shots - attempting to be serious, costume.
Ukraine
Cute postcard.
I'm very impressed by the sand art. It's like freaky amazing. But what's with the costume? The Ukraine have, as always, really outdone themselves. Feathers and lurid pleather. Unfortunately, not very good use of wind machines, which is odd for the Ukraine. Usually they capitalise well on such things. The use of a fog machine does however compensate somewhat.
8.75/10
One shot - costume.
Moldova
I'm liking the song. Not because it's good, but because it's so trashy that I can't help but love it. It's almost as good as the song 'Super DJ' by Russian pop-techno group 'Disco Accident'. But the costumes? This is the first double shot for costumes. Eek. There is however impressive usage of seizure inducing lights. I also quite like their custom brass instruments. Oh but wait, there's a monocle. That's another shot in itself.
8.75/10 (for the trashy factor)
Three shots - Costume, national dress, monocle.
Sweden
I like the postcard. The marching band in me just loves footage of parades. I also have a bit of a thing for vikings. Just saying...
Well. Male backup dancers. Now that's Eurovision. I'm not sure about the finished product though. I mean the microphone glove on the lead singer? It's just a bit... REALLY INCREDIBLY HOMOSEXUAL (I couldn't think of a more PC way of saying that). He can dance, though. And the lights could cause the odd seizure.
8.25/10
Two shots - one for costume, one for the very well executed keychange.
Cyprus
I hear from the voice over that there's going to be 'traditional instruments'. That's a shot. There's fog. Cool. There's a chick in a ballgown. With crazy hair. There's another shot. Great music, though. Nice harmonies. Oh wait... Why is that chick now screaming and practising hammerthrow? And I'm also put off slightly by the whole leaning from side to side thing in the verses. Combined with the background art also moving from side to side, I feel as if I'm on a pitching ship. Good dance though.
9/10
Two shots - reasons set out above.
Bulgaria
I feel as if they mugged a young David Bowie for these costumes. They're also a bit... white. The costumes that is. They could really benefit from a wind machine. Good use of fire, however.
8/10
Two shots - keychange, costume.
FYP Macedonia
This song is incredibly beige. And that girl in the backup dancers is camera-whoring WAY too much. If ever there was a song which was just SCREAMING for a modulation, it was this one, but the key stays the same throughout. UNIMPRESSED.
6.75/10
One shot - national dress.
Israel
A transsexual. There's a shot. The song's called 'Ding Dong'. There's a shot. Moving on, the singers are a bit aurally mushy (crap diction), and they're all singing a bit too high for their voice types. The hebrew/english fusion is a bit confusing, but that's because I keep translating in my head. Decently rousing keychange, but the lights could have been more strobe-y. And there could have been a wind machine.
7.5/10
Three shots - another for the fact that the dress makes the singer look a bit like a lizard.
Slovenia
Her voice is passable, but the dominatrix costume is a bit... unnecessary. There's a shot in those boots alone. Second use of a wind machine tonight, but under-capitalised.
7.5/10
One shot.
Romania
Very Human Nature. They're adorable, well dressed, and have a good keychange. And they're also really bland and unmemorable. Pity.
7/10
One shot.
Estonia
Cute postcard. Cute costume. Cute song, with nice use of a snare drum. I'm also liking the unison breakdancing. The buildings which form the backdrop actually look like downtown Tallin. It's a good pop song, but not really that Eurovision.
7.75/10
NO SHOTS. THIS IS WHY IT'S NOT THAT EUROVISION. IT'S COMPLETELY UN-CLICHÉD.
Belarus
'I Love Belarus'. Nice song title. Amazing pyrotechnics. Probably the best I've ever seen in Eurovision. Shot for the overtly political message. That's not going to stop me from downloading it and then sticing it on my ipod. Shot for the costumes. Shot for the amazingly well integrated keychange. AND THEN SHOT FOR THE EVEN BETTER ONE RIGHT AFTER IT!!! RESPECT!!
9.25/10
Four shots.
Latvia
Weird use of swivel stools. Passable wind machining, but not enough. And that weird chiffon stuff is just odd. As is the whole red/white/black colour scheme. And the falsetto? Really? Ick.
6.25/10 - it was that unmemorable.
One shot - costume.
Denmark
Shot for the song title. A Friend in London? Honestly. Shot for their hair. They're adorable enough as their quasi-boyband, but the lights aren't seizure inducing enough. Shot for the backless shirt on the lead singer. There really is no excuse.
8.75/10
Three shots.
Ireland
According to the voice overs, these guys are the second favourites to win the contest. We'll see. Shot for the Gaga appropriated costumes. Shot for the hair. Good use of fog machines. I also take back everythign I said before about Sweden. They were NOWHERE NEAR as overwhelmingly gay as this veritable fount of gay is turning out to be. BRAINSPLODE.
9/10
Three shots - there was a decent keychange.
And now, according to the creepy host guy, "fifteen minutes remain for woting"
So, according to my scores, the countries advancing to the final are, in order of appearance:
Belgium
Slovenia
Ukraine
Moldova
Sweden
Cyprus
Bulgaria
Belarus
Denmark
Ireland
Let's see how many I got correct.
But first, back to the hopelessness of that creepy host guy.
"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Five. Five. Four." etc.
Host lady: Name two things that don't go together.
Creepy host guy: England and penalty shootouts. Germans and humour. Women and Technology.
Crowd: Did he just go there???
But anyway, now for my impressions of the Big Five, having seen a couple of seconds of their clips.
Spain: What on EARTH were they thinking? Yet another fail.
France: What a sex bomb. He's all brooding and operatic. YAY!!
Italy: I'm shaking my head in disappointment. Honestly.
UK: Muscly boy band. Like the Backstreet Boys, but less wimpy looking. This should be informative.
Germany: Weird. That's all I have to say. Weird.
And now the qualification according to Europe.
Estonia - that's 0 for 1 (I'll be using US football rankings here. It's easier.)
Romania - 0 for 2
Moldova - 1 for 2
Ireland - 2 for 2, and we do another shot
Bosnia & Herzegovina - 2 for 3
Denmark - 3 for 3
Austria - 3 for 4
Ukraine - 4 for 4
Slovenia - 5 for 4
Sweden - 6 for 4
That's an improvement on last year - back then I was only 4 for 6.
Quote from Julia (re: Sweden): Men holding each other in man love.
Quote from me (re: Sweden): We thought they were gay, but then we saw Ireland.
Another side note, cameraman 4 is so fired. He's been giving us closeups before it's announced. Sucks to be him :)
Stay tuned for the final, as well as semi 1 when I get around to watching it.
Until then...
This year, as a bit of a side note, I'll be referencing a Eurovision drinking game developed by Andrew Blackie of UNSW. It goes as follows.
Whenever the costume overwhelms the song, you take a shot.
Whenever there's ridiculous national dress, you take a shot.
Whenever a song has a stupid title, you take a shot.
Whenever anyone says the word 'baby', you take a shot.
Whenever there's a keychange, you take a shot.
If ever an entry tries to be serious by using an actual instrument, you take a shot.
Whenever a song gets political, you take a shot.
When Cyprus and Greece are overtly buddy-buddy, you take a shot.
When the Irish win, you take a shot.
When the UK come dead last, you take a shot.
I'll also be giving my ratings out of 10. These don't nevessarily reflect quality of song, the majority of the points are for eurotrashiness; use of fire, fig and wind; and most importantly, shock value. Because this is Eurovision, after all.
So here we go: the second semifinal.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
For a show opener, this was boring. I honestly cannot remember anything interesting about it, apart from the fact that they had a string bass on stage. They did have two keychanges though.
7/10
Two shots.
Austria
All I can think is that the lead singer wishes she was Beyonce. This isn't working for me, mainly because I rather dislike Beyonce. I'm also not a fan of power ballads when they aren't sung by 1980s british rockers. I do however approve of how sparkly her dress is. Swarovski crystals. Shiny. The keychange was well executed, but otherwise, the song was just a bit... meh.
7/10
One shot.
The Netherlands
The lead singer is wearing a textured white suit. He's only mildly classier than Elvis.His sideburns are also quite Presley-esque. And watching him, I can't help but think that he and the bassist have a bit of courtly man-love going on. But dear god, the song's bland.
6/10
One shot - costume.
Belgium
I'm thoroughly impressed by the a capella action going on here. I just can't seem to understand why the ladies are wearing one glove each. They aren't Michael Jackson. Or if they are, that's some trippy shit. And why is that guy, who is clearly over 30, wearing skinny jeans? And they said 'baby' at least sixteen times (and I may have missed a few). I mean the song's called 'With love baby', but still.
8.5/10
Seventeen shots - sixteen for saying the word 'baby', one for costume.
SEVENTEEN SHOTS!!!
Slovenia
They have a piano and a slow drummer - it's a downbeat entry. There is very impressive use of a wind machine - at last, someone's actually getting into the Eurovision spirit. The costumes are a bit ridiculous, although well designed for use in conjunction with a wind machine. It's a pity the singers are flat. There are, however, pyrotechnics, so there's some points there. Probably the eurotrashiest song yet.
Quick side note: BOOOOOOOBS. Honestly ladies. Keep them in your dresses.
8.25/10
Two shots - attempting to be serious, costume.
Ukraine
Cute postcard.
I'm very impressed by the sand art. It's like freaky amazing. But what's with the costume? The Ukraine have, as always, really outdone themselves. Feathers and lurid pleather. Unfortunately, not very good use of wind machines, which is odd for the Ukraine. Usually they capitalise well on such things. The use of a fog machine does however compensate somewhat.
8.75/10
One shot - costume.
Moldova
I'm liking the song. Not because it's good, but because it's so trashy that I can't help but love it. It's almost as good as the song 'Super DJ' by Russian pop-techno group 'Disco Accident'. But the costumes? This is the first double shot for costumes. Eek. There is however impressive usage of seizure inducing lights. I also quite like their custom brass instruments. Oh but wait, there's a monocle. That's another shot in itself.
8.75/10 (for the trashy factor)
Three shots - Costume, national dress, monocle.
Sweden
I like the postcard. The marching band in me just loves footage of parades. I also have a bit of a thing for vikings. Just saying...
Well. Male backup dancers. Now that's Eurovision. I'm not sure about the finished product though. I mean the microphone glove on the lead singer? It's just a bit... REALLY INCREDIBLY HOMOSEXUAL (I couldn't think of a more PC way of saying that). He can dance, though. And the lights could cause the odd seizure.
8.25/10
Two shots - one for costume, one for the very well executed keychange.
Cyprus
I hear from the voice over that there's going to be 'traditional instruments'. That's a shot. There's fog. Cool. There's a chick in a ballgown. With crazy hair. There's another shot. Great music, though. Nice harmonies. Oh wait... Why is that chick now screaming and practising hammerthrow? And I'm also put off slightly by the whole leaning from side to side thing in the verses. Combined with the background art also moving from side to side, I feel as if I'm on a pitching ship. Good dance though.
9/10
Two shots - reasons set out above.
Bulgaria
I feel as if they mugged a young David Bowie for these costumes. They're also a bit... white. The costumes that is. They could really benefit from a wind machine. Good use of fire, however.
8/10
Two shots - keychange, costume.
FYP Macedonia
This song is incredibly beige. And that girl in the backup dancers is camera-whoring WAY too much. If ever there was a song which was just SCREAMING for a modulation, it was this one, but the key stays the same throughout. UNIMPRESSED.
6.75/10
One shot - national dress.
Israel
A transsexual. There's a shot. The song's called 'Ding Dong'. There's a shot. Moving on, the singers are a bit aurally mushy (crap diction), and they're all singing a bit too high for their voice types. The hebrew/english fusion is a bit confusing, but that's because I keep translating in my head. Decently rousing keychange, but the lights could have been more strobe-y. And there could have been a wind machine.
7.5/10
Three shots - another for the fact that the dress makes the singer look a bit like a lizard.
Slovenia
Her voice is passable, but the dominatrix costume is a bit... unnecessary. There's a shot in those boots alone. Second use of a wind machine tonight, but under-capitalised.
7.5/10
One shot.
Romania
Very Human Nature. They're adorable, well dressed, and have a good keychange. And they're also really bland and unmemorable. Pity.
7/10
One shot.
Estonia
Cute postcard. Cute costume. Cute song, with nice use of a snare drum. I'm also liking the unison breakdancing. The buildings which form the backdrop actually look like downtown Tallin. It's a good pop song, but not really that Eurovision.
7.75/10
NO SHOTS. THIS IS WHY IT'S NOT THAT EUROVISION. IT'S COMPLETELY UN-CLICHÉD.
Belarus
'I Love Belarus'. Nice song title. Amazing pyrotechnics. Probably the best I've ever seen in Eurovision. Shot for the overtly political message. That's not going to stop me from downloading it and then sticing it on my ipod. Shot for the costumes. Shot for the amazingly well integrated keychange. AND THEN SHOT FOR THE EVEN BETTER ONE RIGHT AFTER IT!!! RESPECT!!
9.25/10
Four shots.
Latvia
Weird use of swivel stools. Passable wind machining, but not enough. And that weird chiffon stuff is just odd. As is the whole red/white/black colour scheme. And the falsetto? Really? Ick.
6.25/10 - it was that unmemorable.
One shot - costume.
Denmark
Shot for the song title. A Friend in London? Honestly. Shot for their hair. They're adorable enough as their quasi-boyband, but the lights aren't seizure inducing enough. Shot for the backless shirt on the lead singer. There really is no excuse.
8.75/10
Three shots.
Ireland
According to the voice overs, these guys are the second favourites to win the contest. We'll see. Shot for the Gaga appropriated costumes. Shot for the hair. Good use of fog machines. I also take back everythign I said before about Sweden. They were NOWHERE NEAR as overwhelmingly gay as this veritable fount of gay is turning out to be. BRAINSPLODE.
9/10
Three shots - there was a decent keychange.
And now, according to the creepy host guy, "fifteen minutes remain for woting"
So, according to my scores, the countries advancing to the final are, in order of appearance:
Belgium
Slovenia
Ukraine
Moldova
Sweden
Cyprus
Bulgaria
Belarus
Denmark
Ireland
Let's see how many I got correct.
But first, back to the hopelessness of that creepy host guy.
"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Five. Five. Four." etc.
Host lady: Name two things that don't go together.
Creepy host guy: England and penalty shootouts. Germans and humour. Women and Technology.
Crowd: Did he just go there???
But anyway, now for my impressions of the Big Five, having seen a couple of seconds of their clips.
Spain: What on EARTH were they thinking? Yet another fail.
France: What a sex bomb. He's all brooding and operatic. YAY!!
Italy: I'm shaking my head in disappointment. Honestly.
UK: Muscly boy band. Like the Backstreet Boys, but less wimpy looking. This should be informative.
Germany: Weird. That's all I have to say. Weird.
And now the qualification according to Europe.
Estonia - that's 0 for 1 (I'll be using US football rankings here. It's easier.)
Romania - 0 for 2
Moldova - 1 for 2
Ireland - 2 for 2, and we do another shot
Bosnia & Herzegovina - 2 for 3
Denmark - 3 for 3
Austria - 3 for 4
Ukraine - 4 for 4
Slovenia - 5 for 4
Sweden - 6 for 4
That's an improvement on last year - back then I was only 4 for 6.
Quote from Julia (re: Sweden): Men holding each other in man love.
Quote from me (re: Sweden): We thought they were gay, but then we saw Ireland.
Another side note, cameraman 4 is so fired. He's been giving us closeups before it's announced. Sucks to be him :)
Stay tuned for the final, as well as semi 1 when I get around to watching it.
Until then...
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Wonders of the Book of Face
When I happened to see this on the sidebar of Sarah's home screen, I knew I had to immediately take a screen shot, crop it in paint, and then stick it on my facebook wall.
And then I decided to blog it for good measure. Such fun.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Deborahfail
I'm at MLC at the moment jacking their student internet on Deb's laptop because she has gymnastics at the moment. She didn't want to catch the train on her own, so I accompanied her like the lovely sister I am.
A few minutes ago, whilst practicing her beam dismounts, she managed to overbalance forward and land on her face. Which prompted me to speak the following quote from that brilliant movie 'Fired Up'
Oh My God, you broke her face. Almost in half. Where are we going to find another one of those this late in the day?
Such fun.
Although now she's developing a black eye, so that should be heaps awkies for me on the train with her.
A few minutes ago, whilst practicing her beam dismounts, she managed to overbalance forward and land on her face. Which prompted me to speak the following quote from that brilliant movie 'Fired Up'
Oh My God, you broke her face. Almost in half. Where are we going to find another one of those this late in the day?
Such fun.
Although now she's developing a black eye, so that should be heaps awkies for me on the train with her.
JewRevue - The Aftermath
Those of you who were anywhere near my facebook profile in the past week and a bit will be more than aware of the fact that JewRevue 2011 (The Lambshank Redemption) just finished its run of of performances.
Gosh it was fun. Being only in high school I had to be content with merely writing scripts and doing front of house, but even so, it was terribly enjoyable. To re-affirm what I've taken to saying reasonably often: Such fun.
In a later post, I'm going to go through the program etc, in a manner akin to my Eurovision rundowns, but for now, I'm going to just go with a quick summary of the afterparty. And what an afterparty it was.
Hosted by Tom, one of the voiceover guys, we were told to enter via the side entrance to his house. Understandable, seeing as his parents were home. So Sarah and I walk down the driveway, and guess what he has in his front yard.
Have you guessed yet?
A TENNIS COURT.
Oh yes. Welcome to Vaucluse. Anyway. We then descend the sandstone staircase that is the 'side entrance', walking past the billiards room (more on that later), to reach the backyard. Now let's take a moment to let our minds boggle. In his backyard, there is a pool on a cliff, overlooking THE HARBOUR BRIDGE. I MEAN HOLY EXPLETIVES.
Anywho. We then enter the kitchen/party central, wherein we see a liquor cabinet so expansive and extensive that it was actually ridiculous, and a television so large that I initially mistook it for a feature wall. But no. It was a television. I know.
And now, in the bent of the Marching Band Blog which I write, we have a Fun Fact!: Tequila tastes remarkably like horseradish. Thus making Tequila and orange juice taste remarkably like horseradish and orange juice. There you go.
And now onto the billiards room mentioned above. The table was roughly two by five metres. I shit you not. It was like pool on steroids. But stemming from that, I have discovered that watching mildly intoxicated uni students play pool (or rather fail thereat) is incredibly entertaining. Such fun.
I also discovered that I am reasonably atrocious at pool. I should probably stick to activities which merely involve hitting people with sticks.
Anyway, come 0500, my phone alarm goes off, and Sarah and I realise that perhaps we ought to jolly on home lest mum awaken before we get there. Because that would be mildly awkies.
So we sat in the car, blasting Ke$ha (because we;re just that classy) in a desperate attempt to not go into microsleeps and thus DIE A HORRIBLE, PAINFUL AND FIERY DEATH, and somehow made it home by quarter to six. And then proceeded to sleep until 1330.
Best. Afterparty. EVER.
I'm so pumped for the Revunion.
Gosh it was fun. Being only in high school I had to be content with merely writing scripts and doing front of house, but even so, it was terribly enjoyable. To re-affirm what I've taken to saying reasonably often: Such fun.
In a later post, I'm going to go through the program etc, in a manner akin to my Eurovision rundowns, but for now, I'm going to just go with a quick summary of the afterparty. And what an afterparty it was.
Hosted by Tom, one of the voiceover guys, we were told to enter via the side entrance to his house. Understandable, seeing as his parents were home. So Sarah and I walk down the driveway, and guess what he has in his front yard.
Have you guessed yet?
A TENNIS COURT.
Oh yes. Welcome to Vaucluse. Anyway. We then descend the sandstone staircase that is the 'side entrance', walking past the billiards room (more on that later), to reach the backyard. Now let's take a moment to let our minds boggle. In his backyard, there is a pool on a cliff, overlooking THE HARBOUR BRIDGE. I MEAN HOLY EXPLETIVES.
Anywho. We then enter the kitchen/party central, wherein we see a liquor cabinet so expansive and extensive that it was actually ridiculous, and a television so large that I initially mistook it for a feature wall. But no. It was a television. I know.
And now, in the bent of the Marching Band Blog which I write, we have a Fun Fact!: Tequila tastes remarkably like horseradish. Thus making Tequila and orange juice taste remarkably like horseradish and orange juice. There you go.
And now onto the billiards room mentioned above. The table was roughly two by five metres. I shit you not. It was like pool on steroids. But stemming from that, I have discovered that watching mildly intoxicated uni students play pool (or rather fail thereat) is incredibly entertaining. Such fun.
I also discovered that I am reasonably atrocious at pool. I should probably stick to activities which merely involve hitting people with sticks.
Anyway, come 0500, my phone alarm goes off, and Sarah and I realise that perhaps we ought to jolly on home lest mum awaken before we get there. Because that would be mildly awkies.
So we sat in the car, blasting Ke$ha (because we;re just that classy) in a desperate attempt to not go into microsleeps and thus DIE A HORRIBLE, PAINFUL AND FIERY DEATH, and somehow made it home by quarter to six. And then proceeded to sleep until 1330.
Best. Afterparty. EVER.
I'm so pumped for the Revunion.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Shenannigans in Lewisham
Today, I wasted a perfectly good triple free.
I needed to drop off the audition video I made for spec (which I was up until 1 am burning to a disk. It's harder than you'd think); so the moment recess started, I vamoosed from the school grounds to catch a train to Lewisham via Redfern, because for whatever ridiculous reason, The Arts Unit is based at Lewisham Public School. As one would.
Regardless. After traversing the inner west for a while as I actually searched for the school, I finally found the blasted school. At which point I had to work out where to deposit the bloody audition DVD. Luckily for me, there was a lovely young administrative drone who happened to step outside as I pondered possible routes of delivery, and who proceeded to take said DVD for me to deposit with whomever it was meant to be deposited. So thank you, kind stranger affiliated with The Arts Unit.
Aaaaaaaanywhom, I then headed back to the station (although this time via a far less circuitous route - I love learning from mistakes), at which point I got to wait on the rather hot platform of Lewisham station, before getting onto an even hotter train. I mean we're back to analogies regarding Satan's armpit here. Although I suppose the fact that I was in full school uniform down to the stockings wasn't helping matters. Gosh does that stuff insulate.
On the train, I happened to run into Katelyn Campbell, which was lovely, seeing as we hadn't actually seen each other since year 8, wherein we had [a certain mildly crazy biology teacher who now runs enviro club] (ever since that post earlier this week, I'm ensuring I don't actually put in any names lest any more shit hit any more fans). So basically we spent year 8 science choosing hair colours and reading science fiction. Such fun.
And (much to my satisfaction) I made it back to school in time for a lunchtime dance rehearsal.
I just can't help but think that I would have had FAR more fun coaching year 10 Lacrosse. There's just something innately enjoyable about yelling at juniors (for those of you who haven't yet noticed, I consider anyone below year 12 to be a junior) to shove each other out of the way, to be more violent etc. Terribly entertaining.
Oh well. Come next term, I'll be working with [the new head teacher PDHPE, a certain diminutive redhead] to get an interhouse Lacrosse competition going. Gosh I'm pumped.
Oh Bugger. I just realised that I neglected to sign back in upon my arrival at school. That might be an issue come next week.
I needed to drop off the audition video I made for spec (which I was up until 1 am burning to a disk. It's harder than you'd think); so the moment recess started, I vamoosed from the school grounds to catch a train to Lewisham via Redfern, because for whatever ridiculous reason, The Arts Unit is based at Lewisham Public School. As one would.
Regardless. After traversing the inner west for a while as I actually searched for the school, I finally found the blasted school. At which point I had to work out where to deposit the bloody audition DVD. Luckily for me, there was a lovely young administrative drone who happened to step outside as I pondered possible routes of delivery, and who proceeded to take said DVD for me to deposit with whomever it was meant to be deposited. So thank you, kind stranger affiliated with The Arts Unit.
Aaaaaaaanywhom, I then headed back to the station (although this time via a far less circuitous route - I love learning from mistakes), at which point I got to wait on the rather hot platform of Lewisham station, before getting onto an even hotter train. I mean we're back to analogies regarding Satan's armpit here. Although I suppose the fact that I was in full school uniform down to the stockings wasn't helping matters. Gosh does that stuff insulate.
On the train, I happened to run into Katelyn Campbell, which was lovely, seeing as we hadn't actually seen each other since year 8, wherein we had [a certain mildly crazy biology teacher who now runs enviro club] (ever since that post earlier this week, I'm ensuring I don't actually put in any names lest any more shit hit any more fans). So basically we spent year 8 science choosing hair colours and reading science fiction. Such fun.
And (much to my satisfaction) I made it back to school in time for a lunchtime dance rehearsal.
I just can't help but think that I would have had FAR more fun coaching year 10 Lacrosse. There's just something innately enjoyable about yelling at juniors (for those of you who haven't yet noticed, I consider anyone below year 12 to be a junior) to shove each other out of the way, to be more violent etc. Terribly entertaining.
Oh well. Come next term, I'll be working with [the new head teacher PDHPE, a certain diminutive redhead] to get an interhouse Lacrosse competition going. Gosh I'm pumped.
Oh Bugger. I just realised that I neglected to sign back in upon my arrival at school. That might be an issue come next week.
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