Tik Tok by AD€LA

I've got two more posts to do about America, but first I'd like to publish this spoof I wrote on the plane. It's to the tune of Tik Tok (as you can doubtlessly surmise from the title).

Wake up in the morning feeling like Paul Keating
(Hey what up, man)
Grab my briefcase, I’m out the door, I’ve got to go to some meetings
(Let’s go)
Before I leave, I grab my keys and a Canberra map
Cause when I win the election, I ain’t coming back

Italian leather all over my toes, toes
Professionals tailor all of my clothes, clothes
Talk to the press on my iPhones, phones
Photo-opping, kissing lots of babies
Backed up by my party
The opposition wish they were me…

On top of the polls
Because I have castiron balls
Alright, I’mma fight
Up until election night
Tick tock on the clock
‘Till the caucus room is locked
For vo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ting

Ain’t got a care in the world except for immigration
Not a problem ‘cause I’m saved by the psyche of the nation
The conservatives think that refugees aren’t all good
And Australia's fine with sticking them in Villawood

I’m talking about neutralising threats, threats
Creating budget safety nets, nets
Choosing portfolios for my political pets…
Better known as my front benchers
Most of them need to wear dentures
The front bench all need dentures
Front bench need dent…

On top of the polls
Because I have castiron balls
Alright, I’mma fight
Up until election night
Tick tock on the clock
‘Till the caucus room is locked
For vo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ting

For what it’s worth
The Lodge’s my turf
And the voters
Yeah, they love me

With well placed ads
Pandering to fads
Got a Twitter page
Yeah they love me

For what it’s worth
The Lodge’s my turf
And the voters
Yeah, they love me

With well placed ads
Pandering to fads
Pandering to fads

Now, the polling don’t start ‘till I walk in

On top of the polls
Because I have castiron balls
Alright, I’mma fight
Up until election night
Tick tock on the clock
‘Till the caucus room is locked
For vo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ting

On top of the polls
Because I have castiron balls
Alright, I’mma fight
Up until election night
Tick tock on the clock
‘Till the caucus room is locked
For vo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ting

I'll get around to making a video of it eventually.

Ho Hum

Today, as my school age friends will know, is the first day of term 3.

I was rather looking forward to today as I haven't had an actual day of school for about 10 weeks. I was going to have to leave early in order to get myself the 30 km to Westmead via off peak public transport (let's call that 1.5 hours on the conservative side) by 2.45, but today being a tuesday, I'd still be able to attend 7 (of my usual 12 on a tuesday) periods of class before having to leave in order to see if the discharge I've been enjoying over the past two weeks was permanent.

Long story short, mum decided there was no point in me going to school today, and so I spent the morning bumming around Usyd. I was sent to Fisher to look for some textbooks Sarah needed for Uni (it seems UNSW's library system just isn't as good), but the call numbers she had given me were incorrect. Way to fail there.

I did however borrow one of their copies of Girt By Sea: a Quarterly Essay by Mungo (Wentworth) MacCallum about the refugee crisis. I'd been meaning to read that for a while.

I then walked to Town Hall to look for an Angus and Robertson store so that I could use a voucher I'd had for ages. I was hoping to find a Gutenberg Bible journal similar to the one I got last week, but depicting a different print. The range there was shit to put in nicely. I instead bought 'Poll Dancing': MacCallum's review of the 2007 election.

So today hasn't been a total loss. I'll be blogging about the PolCom stuff once I've read it.

Politicking

Britain has a hung parliament. This is because Gordon Brown did what John Howard did prior to losing an election: he hung onto power long after he should have handed it over to someone younger and more charismatic. Or less deformed. Or Nick Clegg.

As a result of Gordon's monumental cock up, Nick Glegg, whose party did rather well in the election, is being called upon to broker some kind of coalition between someone and someone else. No-one's too fussed as to the specifics, as long as he gets it done. But Nick, because his party came third, will not get the top job himself no matter what happens.

Admittedly, Gordon did well. Having stabbed Tony Blair in the back from his comfortable spot in the treasury (in a manner somewhat akin to John Howard stabbing Andrew Peacock in the back from his comfortable spot in the treasury), Gordon knew what to do in order to ensure that Britain came out of the recession well. Britain whupped some global ass when it came to financial regulation.

But he then hung onto power for so long that his party became a dried out husk of yes men adn downtrodden backbenchers. Rather like the Liberal party after the 2007 election. But I digress.

What Britain needs is for Nick Clegg to do what no-one expects. Stage a military coup and set up a junta that won't allow elections, thus allowing the Supreme Clegg to rule all Britannia with an iron fist forever and ay.

That would be a welcome change. All hail Clegg.