Today in english, I was seized with the idea of writing fake urban dictionary meanings to random words and phrases I came up with. Since we're studying Frankenstein, they're all themed somewhat similarly.
I'll give the WORD (part of speech) Definition
use in a sentence and/or other tidbits
Let's start with FRANKENDICKHEAD (n) Someone who forces adolescents to study Frankenstein against their will.
My english teacher is such a Frankendickhead
FRANKENEYE (n) When someone burst a capillary in their eye resulting in a dirty great red patch below their iris which everyone focuses on whenever that person happens to look anywhere, thus distracting everyone.
Holy CRAP! Check out Mr Turner's Frankeneye
FRANKENFAIL (v) When the girl who sits next to you in english forgets her copy of Frankenstein for a few weeks running.
Yvette Frankenfailed again.
FRANKENPHRASE (n) A statement which is self glorifying to the point where people are tempted to be violent towards you.
Where does Victor Frankenstein get all these Frankenphrases from? I feel tempted to murder him every time he opens his mouth.
FRANKENSEX (v) To engage in intercourse with someone whom you've always thought of as faimly, but who thankfully isn't actually related to you.
All this Frankensex is really weirding me out.
FRANKENBABY (n) Somethign you threw together with whatever happened to by lying around within reach.
"What's in the casserole?"
"Oh, it's a Frankenbaby."
FRANKENFRIENDSHIP (gerund) 'Real manly men' who have a friendship so close that you'd assume there was a little bit of courtly man-love going on on the side.
All this Frankenfriendship is also weirding me out.
FRANKENFAMILY (n) A way of forcing women into being nurturers and the producers of progeny.
The FLDS is a great example of Frankenfamily.
KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR (n) A man who clearly doesn't fight hard enough in battle, otherwise he's be dented and covered in gore, not to mention a bit tarnished."He's her knight in shining armour."
"What a ponce."
"I reckon."
FRANKENFATHERHOOD (gerund) Abandoning your child because it's ugly.
Holy expletive that kid's ugly. I can't believe its parents haven't gone and Frankenfatherhooded it.
BLADERUNNER (n) A great big segway which takes an english class off topic.
"That was an effective Bladerunner."
"I know right? We didn't do any work all double."
FRANKENPATERNITYSUIT (n) When the child you abandoned whilst practicing your Frankenfatherhood comes after you demanding that you recognise it as your progeny.
"What's this?"
"It's a Frankenpaternitysuit, you Frankendickhead. Maybe you shouldn't have been such a Frankenfather."
Showing posts with label FLDS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FLDS. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Religion
Those of you who had some semblance of a religious education, or failing that those of you who have seen the movie 'The Prince of Egypt' will be familiar with the concept of Passover (Pesach).
Basically, it's all about the Jews leaving slavery blah blah blah. The whole Exodus thing. They even gave it its own book of the Torah.
That's why I find the amount of preparation we're undertaking for Passover (and I only use the shoddy English translation because I can't be bothered working out the HTML code for Hebrew lettering) mildly ironic.
The house has to be massively cleaned, people are coming for the festivities, so we have to rotate the furniture for three rooms to make everything fit, and we have to get all KlP (Kosher lePesach - Kosher for Passover. It's like Kosher, but more anal).
And note that this is for a festival about the delivery from slavery and resultingly from HARD WORK AND OPPRESSION. To quote whichever edition of the Haggadah we have at home 'Tonight we only recline'. Admittedly there's a preamble prefacing that statement, but the fundamental meaning is the same. It's about not panicking or engaging in manual labour as you move the sofas and various musical instruments (with the exception of the piano, because that would just be stupid) from the living room into the kitchen, the extendable tables into the dining room along with chairs, and then having to do place settings for 20 people at four in the afternoon when you've just gotten home from school and people are arriving at six and everything still needs to be cooked and your mother is contemplating a nervous breakdown... but I digress.
But of course I forgot one important fact. The Haggadah is meant to be read by a man (coming from an all female family, I tend to forget that). It's the women who go about preparing the house for passover, burning the Chametz (leavened products made from grains, which aren't allowed in the house during Passover. We tend not to bother with that - toast is too awesome a food), preparing the food, and generally panicking if anything goes wrong. Which it will.
And this is because of all the western religions, Judaism is one of the most misogynistic (first place goes to the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints i.e. the Mormon sect who practice polygamy).
So I'd just like to say: thanks mum and dad for picking a religion which was bound to turn me to atheism.
Basically, it's all about the Jews leaving slavery blah blah blah. The whole Exodus thing. They even gave it its own book of the Torah.
That's why I find the amount of preparation we're undertaking for Passover (and I only use the shoddy English translation because I can't be bothered working out the HTML code for Hebrew lettering) mildly ironic.
The house has to be massively cleaned, people are coming for the festivities, so we have to rotate the furniture for three rooms to make everything fit, and we have to get all KlP (Kosher lePesach - Kosher for Passover. It's like Kosher, but more anal).
And note that this is for a festival about the delivery from slavery and resultingly from HARD WORK AND OPPRESSION. To quote whichever edition of the Haggadah we have at home 'Tonight we only recline'. Admittedly there's a preamble prefacing that statement, but the fundamental meaning is the same. It's about not panicking or engaging in manual labour as you move the sofas and various musical instruments (with the exception of the piano, because that would just be stupid) from the living room into the kitchen, the extendable tables into the dining room along with chairs, and then having to do place settings for 20 people at four in the afternoon when you've just gotten home from school and people are arriving at six and everything still needs to be cooked and your mother is contemplating a nervous breakdown... but I digress.
But of course I forgot one important fact. The Haggadah is meant to be read by a man (coming from an all female family, I tend to forget that). It's the women who go about preparing the house for passover, burning the Chametz (leavened products made from grains, which aren't allowed in the house during Passover. We tend not to bother with that - toast is too awesome a food), preparing the food, and generally panicking if anything goes wrong. Which it will.
And this is because of all the western religions, Judaism is one of the most misogynistic (first place goes to the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints i.e. the Mormon sect who practice polygamy).
So I'd just like to say: thanks mum and dad for picking a religion which was bound to turn me to atheism.
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